Teaching children to be grateful
Newpaper link: You can teach your kids to be thankful on Page C2 of Monday, March 18, 2013 issue of Providence Journal
It was during an interview with a gratitude scientist that I learned the value of encouraging thankfulness in children. Although I have often said I am too young to be a “Nonna” I am grateful every day for the little prince and princess in my life. However, when my children traveled, and I began spending a week at a time with grandchildren, bedtime became a challenge. Then I thought of a resource that I learned from Jeffrey J. Froh, Psy.D., associate professor of psychology at Hofstra University, in Hempstead, N.Y.
He began practicing what he researches and preaches with his own son — gratitude through appreciation. He related this vignette about his 4-year-old: “We were outside the other day, and out of the blue my son said, ‘Look at how red those leaves are. Aren’t they beautiful?’ ”
Then he added: “Each night I ask my son, ‘What was your favorite part of school today?’ And at one time when he said he didn’t have a good day, I reminded him of his best friend. Then he came round and said, ‘Yes, he was the good part of my day.’ ”
Taking a cue from Froh, when my grandchildren turned 3 and 5, I created wire-bound books with 20 sheets of plain white paper. On the cover I wrote, “Happy Day Good Night.” We started a ritual before bedtime — drawing pictures of what made them happy and thankful during the day. They draw one to three pictures that can range from the fun they had catching frogs at their country school to ice cream cones, playgrounds, parents, and their dog.
Children learn by example. Here are some ways to instill the gratitude virtue.
1. Thank your child often even if he or she is doing required chores.
2. Encourage children to send pictures to grandparents, relatives, or friends explaining that they will be grateful and happy to receive their beautiful artwork.
3. Generate an attitude of giving. Ask children to select clothes or toys that you might give to children in need or share with neighbors.
4. Say “thank you” to spouses and friends in the presence of children and explain why you are grateful.
Froh, whose work is funded by the John Templeton Foundation, says, “We think that in helping young people become more grateful, they will feel happier and more satisfied with their lives. In addition, it may make them less likely to lash out at others when they lose a game or feel hurt in some way.”
He recently suggested to me the concept of walking children and teens through gratitude thinking. Using the example of one student helping another he explained it in terms of intent, cost, and benefit. “Someone went out of their way to help you because they were in tune with your needs. The cost to that person was giving up recess to help you study. But you received the benefit — you received a B on a quiz instead of a C.”
Froh pointed out that data indicates grateful teens have more self-control and, during a time when their identity is forming, gratitude correlates with fewer reports of antisocial and delinquent behaviors.
He commented: “A lot of these findings are things we learned in kindergarten or things our grandmothers told us, but we now have scientific evidence to prove them.”
Rita Watson, MPH, ( ritawatson.com ) is a regular Thrive contributor and a relationship columnist for our “All About You” section.