On October 2, 2006 for The Providence Journal www.projo.com, I wrote a piece called “Words that harm, words that heal.” It was before the start of the new school year and I am always concerned about the power that teachers hold in their hands, the power to affect a child’s image, for better or worse.
I am writing an excerpt of that article now because I believe in kind words and some readers have questioned my choice of authors in articles that I write. I am so grateful to learn different perspectives and to hear from readers.
However, sometimes a person who writes or speaks inspiring words becomes the subject of inquiry. I remember when the evangelist and healer Ruth Carter Stapleton came to Rye, New York and a group of young mothers encouraged me to join them to meet her.
It was at that meeting that I met my closest long-time friend Gerissa. Ruth had powerful words that served us well as mothers. Later, she apparently attempted to convert Larry Flynt and was portrayed on film “The People vs. Larry Flynt.” This created such a stir that many forgot her soothing words to us.
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I will always remember her words and will continue to quote her even today. And I will be thrilled always that one of my children attended Trinity College that supported Habitat for Humanity. When President Jimmy Carter, Ruth’s brother, gave the commencement address there, he brought young people to their feet cheering!
As such, I want very much to be respectful of the true Tibetan tradition and those concerned about my references.
If I quote someone whom I later learn is under scrutiny, I am sad for them and their followers. However, I must ask myself the question — “If their words heal and are a source of comfort to others, can we at least accept the message?”
Right now I am reading Deepak Chopra’s “The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success” and I am reminded of the words that I will now attempt to live by: “Today I shall judge nothing that occurs.”
Here is an excerpt from:
- “Words that harm, words that heal”
…Despite what children learn at home, it is at school, under the microscope of teacher and peers, that they form opinions about themselves.
Today education is more than just the basics; it is also about critical thinking, socialization, and life skills. At Yale we taught coping skills to teenage mothers as a way to deflect anger, use words kindly, make decisions, and see problems from another person’s perspective.
Although I wish that coping skills were a part of every curriculum, as class size expands, children are mainstreamed, and new education theories are promulgated, can I expect teachers to be superheroes who will remember the power of their words? When I was at Hunter College, in New York City, a professor admonished me in class: “Young lady, never teach beyond the second-grade level. There you will do the least damage to the English language.”
It happened that another professor rescued my damaged ego and steered me into journalism. Curious about creativity, I asked Art Professor Lynn Curtis, at Providence College, how she handles “talent.” She said, “Every student in an art class has a gift. It is our job to let them express their potential.” At my daughter-in-law’s recent graduation [from teacher’s college] …I began wondering if academia had embraced the positive-word concept while training teachers.
Twenty years ago, Kenneth Blanchard’s book “The One Minute Manager” spawned a theory of productivity still being replicated: public praise and private criticism. I began asking professors their opinions about teaching teachers, and if they had been schooled in constructive criticism….
…I decided to ask a professor at Bridgewater State College if I could teach “Earth Mother 101: Words That Harm, Words That Heal,” based on effective business models and years of motherhood. In our society, parents, spouses, others in relationships, and, yes, even teachers forget the harm of sharp, angry words.
But instead I asked Dr. J. Michael Bodi about the philosophy of teaching teachers. His realistic response: “We can teach from books. We can teach with our words. Most powerfully, we teach by example.”
Courses on kindness may not be in the cards at universities preparing the next generation of teachers. But for the sake of our children, and my grandchildren, a professor educating future teachers might repeat daily a message that harks back to Proverbs: “A gentle word is the tree of life.”