Wishes of men and women sometimes do overlap/ All About You / By Rita Watson
In the world of the sexes, the top wishes of men and women sometimes overlap. However, women are more strongly committed to a “we” relationship rather than a “me” relationship.
“We is a state of mind and heart. It means that wherever one partner is, the other is present in their thought,” says Randi Gunther, Ph.D., writing about Promise Keepers in Psychology Today.
Thoughtful, honest behavior ranked second among women who like men who stay in touch and are open about their whereabouts — it is called emotional honesty. Women expect truthfulness. If a guy slips up he should simply say so.
Women like men who are good money managers, but who are also generous in spirit. Giving men value women and in talking to men it is surprising to find how many really do enjoy coming up with gifts that they know will be happily received.
Sex, both men and woman believe, is important in a relationship, but women have a more romanticized notion of sex. With 75 million readers of romance novels, courting has not lost its attraction. However, women are not just living the fantasy life waiting for Prince Charming. A surprising soft porn trend appeared in 2009 which is breaking records today with “Fifty Shades of Grey.”
What men want
For men, sex was their number one wish. Young men like sex anywhere, anytime, planned, spontaneous, but often. They never want to hear, “Not now, I’m cooking,” or “I’m trying to get ready to go out.” In fact, any “not now” is quickly translated into a rejection.
Just as women want honesty, the men wish this as well. Young men tell me that they hate being manipulated into a situation. “If my wife wants something, I want her to ask me rather than play hinting games, or worse, expect me to read her mind,” was an often heard comment.
For men, an interesting note on the list was forgiveness. All the young men whom I have interviewed through the years say that forgiveness is “huge” and grudges are wedges. Finally, men want to be respected and appreciated. They seem to need a lot of stroking. Sexy notes are good. Praise works wonders.
Is there a way the sexes can agree on a behavior that both will find satisfying? One of my favorite answers comes from Boston lawyer Karyn Zizza: “Every woman wants to believe that no matter how many women he has loved (or thought he loved) before, he loves her infinitely more. What he thought was love was nothing compared to how he feels for her.”
And so guys, there you have it — the simple secret to romance.
http://digital.olivesoftware.com/Olive/ODE/ProJo/
Rita Watson, an incurable romantic, is our relationship columnist and regular Journal contributor whose web address is www.ritawatson.com