Rita Watson
In a month of marriages are you a bridesmaid and never a bride? As we watch friends throw the bouquet and feel happy for them, do you feel slightly resentful that there is no Mr. Right in your life?
I was thrilled when Amy Sue Nathan’s book, “The Glass Wives,” made its debut in May. Ever since the book by television matchmaker Tracy McMillan was released last year, “Why You’re Not Married … Yet,” multiple blogs have placed the blame for being single on women. However, McMillan offered what might be the best advice thus far in her recent Huffington Post blog, “Become the person you are holding out for.”
It sounds as if she is channeling Dr. Leo Buscaglia, author of “Love.” He has said in lectures, “There is no right person. We become the right person!”
When I first met Nathan some years ago, she had dipped her toe into Internet dating and drove miles to meet a man who suggested they split the salad. Smartly, she never dated him again. As women often learn, stingy men are emotionally vapid.
A single mother, trying to hold together a family that was unraveling, Nathan wanted a relationship and she wanted to publish a book. But it was her “Ah ha” moment of living in the present and enjoying the moment that set her on a path to success. It took place after she decided to break the pattern of “Waiting. Planning. Looking ahead.”
“With that revelation I stopped waiting for whatever, or whoever, or wherever was next. I focused only on the present. No matter what: no waiting,” she said in her guest blog for Psychology Today.
While working on her book she inadvertently designed a blueprint for all women waiting for Mr. Right. By focusing on her dream to publish a novel — which took seven years to complete — each day she enjoyed the process of networking, blogging, meeting other writers and taking a proactive approach towards her dream.
Is your goal to be married? Then get out there and meet people. Join volunteer organizations. Sign up for courses at museums or colleges. Take up golf or sailing. Meet a person who makes you feel good about yourself.
If he is not Mr. Perfect, is he kind and generous with a circle of male friends, which indicates his ability to bond? If so, have the courage to ask him early on, “Are you ready for a serious relationship, because I am?” If this scares him away, love yourself enough to move on without fretting. Why? Because one day, when you ask that question, Mr. Right will answer, “Yes, I am.”
Rita Watson, ritawatson.com , is the one of the Journal’s relationship columnists.
Please see Why waiting for Mr. Right is the wrong thing to do on Page H2 of Sunday, June 02, 2013 issue of The Providence Journal