Much as we give lip service to fidelity and happily ever after, men and women in relationships, it seems, cheat on their spouses or significant others. Why?
Men who cheat: New York magazine, in May 18, 2008, had just done a spread on “The Affairs of Men” by Phillip Weiss. A key question was whether or not monogamy is outdated. “There is no more unnatural principle of social organization than sexual exclusivity.” But the author points out, ‘like other of my male sources, he didn’t want me to use his name.’ “Don’t get me divorced!” was the refrain.
What about women who cheat? The author points out, “Society is far more judgmental about women who cheat than men; just read Anna Karenina.” And Dr. Ruth confirms this is my Married, but Cheating op-ed for The Providence Journal (see relationship columns.) Weiss adds, “Consider the Website meet2cheat, in which married people find one another for recreational sex; it charges $59 for a man’s three-month entry fee, $9 for a woman. Cheating wives are harder to come by.”
Why people cheat: Rhonda Fine, PhD, a clinical sexologist and diplomate of The American Academy of Clinical Sexologists says, “There are a variety of reasons why people cheat, and it’s not always about the sex. People cheat because they’re selfish, immature or narcissistic. Or they’re excitement junkies and attracted to the drama. They put their needs ahead of others and rarely blame themselves why they cheated in the first place.” To find out more go to Cheating Facts and Myths on AOL
The madonna and prostitute: The article is good and interesting reading. But I think my hairdresser has the answer to keep men from straying. “All men secretly desire a Madonna to the world and a sex siren in the bedroom. They want variety. And if we want to keep them from straying, we should play whatever role suits their fancy.” The Affairs of Men
Why do people cheat? As I looked back on years of research, and forgive me for a quick general statement – women cheat because they are lonely and men cheat for the thrill, the desire to feel rejuvenated.
Straight, gay, or insecure? But most often it is because they are not comfortable in their own skin (sometimes because inside their own skin they are stuggling with issues of straight or gay) and need outside affirmation – and communication stops and intimacy turns cold.
Copyright 2008 Rita Watson