It’s May and The Wedding Report says that over two million couples will be walking down the aisle next month. June brides are thinking bliss while grooms are on a roller-coaster. Neither is thinking that 50% of marriages will end in divorce with rates even higher for marriages that involve children.
Yet ironically, a well documented yearly Canadian report says that depression rates nearly double when couples are ending a marriage verses those who stay in the relationship. However, here is good news. Minor changes to one’s life style, which result in a change of attitude, are within reach. These include expanding one’s social circle, identifying stressors, and practicing forgiveness.
Friendships are protective. The Journal of the American Medical Association found that when healthy volunteers were infected with a cold virus, those who had a network of social contacts were less likely to get sick than the loners. Friends help you to stay balanced, will help you laugh at yourself, and understand the forgiveness factor.
Too often when marriage becomes rocky people ignore the problem or they take their differences to the public arena and this is a dangerous place because you are bordering on cynical hostility. What are some of the signs that you are verging on hostility? Being crticial of others, blaming others, reliving events that make you angry, sniping at your spouse or partner in public. What eventually happens is that friends being to avoid you, may call less frequently. This is sad because the real danger with cynicism and anger is that they are predictors of heart attacks.
Practice forgiving. It is a lot simplier than you might think. Write down the one thing that is bothering you about your spouse or lover. Ask yourself what role you are playing in problem. Then write ten positive qualities of your partner. A friend who long practiced Religious Science says it takes ten positives to cancel out one negative. Begin to see yourself interacting with the positive person with whom you fell in love.
Take a chance and embrace change, a change in thinking from anger to forgiveness. It will do wonders for your heart and may save your marriage or relationship.
Copyright 2008 Rita Watson