The Disappointment Dilemma
Disappointment can be a fleeting feeling or it can be haunting. This failure of expectation is perplexing because in most situations another person is involved that shatters one’s hopes or expectations. Remember the senior prom and the excitement of picking out the perfect dress? Then the feelings that flooded you when you learned that your best friend already bought it. Or what about the young woman who expects that she will be seeing a sparkling diamond for their birthday and receives theatre tickets instead? With disappointment there are multiple layers of sadness.
The feeling of disappointment is oftentimes best expressed in a picture. After the Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes split, the media ran photo after photo of the disappointed look on daughter Suri’s face with her mother said “No” to a puppy. Holmes became a sharp contrast to Disneyland Dad who apparently says, “Yes, Princess” to whatever Suri, age 6, wishes.
But in life we do not always get what we want and so we are stuck with the disappointment dilemma which affects us on three different levels — expectation preparation, immediate letdown, aftermath decisions.
Expectation preparation: The major problem with disappointment is that we are unable to prepare for it, whereas, we are able to invest emotional and physical energy in expectation. A bride who is left at the altar has spent months overseeing preparations for a party and emotional energy looking forward to the day. But even if it is a birthday celebration or a dinner event, the person who is ultimately disappointed was prepared to
The immediate letdown: This often one in which a person feels as if they were kicked in the stomach. But because someone else is in control, the person who is hurt can do little more than make some feeble statement such as, “It’s all right, I understand.” In fact, in many cases, it is not all right, and you don’t understand.
The feeling of disappointment is oftentimes best expressed in a picture. After the Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes split, the media ran photo after photo of the disappointed look on daughter Suri’s face with her mother said “No” to a puppy. Holmes became a sharp contrast to Disneyland Dad who apparently says, “Yes, Princess” to whatever Suri, age 6, wishes so she will never be disappointed. But in this world called life, disappointments happen.
There is a double sadness, one of hurt and one of sadness that your best friend or beau missed the cues – cluelessly or deliberately.
Aftermath decision: If a person in our lives disappoints us once or twice it might be understandable. But what happens if it becomes a pattern? It can only become a pattern if you allow it to happen. To protect yourself and maintain self-respect, say something, in a kind but firm way. If you lose your friend because he or she is insulted, then they weren’t your friend. Have a good cry. Then move on with gratitude.