As the pandemic winds down, we are back into friendships, relationships, and encounters with personalities which upset our sense of peace. Here are some thoughts to keep yourself from getting reeled in.
1.Understand how the person affects you. In many cases, the person is intrusive and annoying and has no problem interrupting when you are speaking to someone else. Be aware of this and do your best to avoid the person.
2. Confront without being confrontational. Privately take this person aside. State the behavior that you find disturbing. Firmly point out that there will be consequences if it continues. Then, walk away before getting into a harmful exchange. This is effective when you catch a person being rude to others. When you see this, call them on it. (But know that they will deny such behavior and even lie about it and manipulate the story.)
3. Be prepared for their drama. People who are needy and toxic almost always have a family drama to report and a list of ailments or perceived slights that they use as a way of evoking your sympathy. When they come into your space, put an immediate stop to the situation. Kindly but emphatically say, “I wish I had time to talk to you right now, but I don’t. Maybe we can catch up another time.”
4. Make it a point to avoid toxic people. When the conversation is unavoidable, keep it short and then walk away. (You often will not need to engage in conversation, because toxic people prefer to hear themselves talk and are not really interested in what you have to say. However, when caught in a situation meant to tear at your heartstrings, offer sympathy and move on. )
5. Set up firm boundaries. Remind people to call you before visiting. And when they disrespect your wishes, you may have to open the door and say, “I’m sorry. This is not a good time for me.”
6. Build a wall around yourself to stay safe. If you wish to remain in the friendship (or if it’s a working relationship and you have no choice), be prepared for frustrations. You may feel sorry for the person and want to help, but this is rarely possible.
Keep in mind that people with toxic personalities will not take “no” for an answer. They will quietly harass you until they get what they want from you: your friendship, time, or information. This is a time to be selfish and protect yourself.
Adapted from research in: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-and-gratitude/201905/six-thoughts-dealing-toxic-behavior
Copyright 2021 Rita Watson