Secrets of writing and sustaining your love story /Rita Watson
For women who grew up with fairy tales, when it came time for love, young girls swirled about to words of the song, “Some Day My Prince Will Come.” Although it happened for Kate Middleton, very few women will marry a prince and even fewer men care to marry a princess. Nonetheless, as we evolve from a wishful thinking to a more calculated matchmaking world, we remain in search mode, asking, “What are the secrets for finding and keeping love alive?”
The top answers to meeting one’s soulmate include love at first sight, dating a person who shares your values, or taking a page from Oprah’s magazine and creating the 100 point love list.
Add to the love tips a new book on creating happiness, and you have a sensible blueprint. Dr. Rick Hanson, a neuropsychologist, has just written “Hardwiring Happiness: The New Brain Science of Contentment, Calm, and Confidence” that can help lay a foundation for commitment.
But how do you meet that special someone in the first place? Love at first sight still happens. Matt Damon met his wife, Luciana, in a Miami bar and the couple just renewed their vows in a million-dollar ceremony. However, a more practical approach is dating someone who shares your values by engaging in charitable work, politics, religion, or sports.
Creating the 100 point love list was a recommendation by Alice Gorman several years ago in O Magazine. At the end, Oprah’s life coach explained why the method works.
Despite a society in which the divorce rate hovers at 50 percent, we still want to believe in magic. Tips by psychologists for keeping love alive when the illusion fades include:
Tip 1: Each day look for the positive qualities in your partner and express your gratitude for them.
Tip 2: Speak with respect to each other while alone and in the company of others.
Tip 3: Create memories through mini-vacations, surprises or parties.
Tip 4: Learn to negotiate your differences. While opposites may attract, we all have a variety of aspects to our personalities. Embracing one’s complementary opposite sustains wholeness.
Robert Sternberg, Ph.D., while at Yale’s psychology department, pointed out that a love relationship between two people follows a story, oftentimes a story we created as children. If we find that our stories do not turn out happily, he suggests rewriting them.
Remind yourself as to why you fell in love and retell the story to each other. Embellish it. Fill it with romance. Add little forgotten aspects and wishes that you can now make come true. Rewrite your story together and you can turn it into a lifelong adventure of love, forgiveness and joy.
Rita Watson is an All About You relationship columnist.
Providence JournalByline Rita WatsonSunday, August 25, 2013Page: H5Section: All About You