Rewrite your story and create the future you want
Rita Watson
We all have a story to tell. Our stories are what make us unique. Moreover, how we choose to remember our stories affects our personality and impacts our relationships. What happens in life is our biography. What determines our destiny is the way we reshape unhappy experiences such as trauma from childhood, the pain of infidelity, the sadness of loss. But even a perfect life hits bumps in the road.
John Sanford, in his book “Healing and Wholeness,” essentially says: “Our life must have a story in order for us to be whole. This means we must come up against something; otherwise a story cannot take place.”
We cannot change our past. But if we stop blaming mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, ex-spouses or former lovers, we can design our future. Fear and anger keeps us from making commitments and deprive us of happiness.
A story that I will remember always is that of a 4-year-old who screamed to his sister: “I’m mad at you.” He then raced to his room stomping his feet and slamming the door. Five minutes later he emerged and said, “Hi, I’m new Connor.” He rewrote his story at age 4. And you can rewrite your story as well.
Change the attitude of “I’ll never forgive” or “I’m stuck with who I am,” to “Hi, I’m the new forgiving me.”
Review your actual growing up story or stories of past loves — no embellishments. Then express gratitude even for the tough times because you made it through.
Retell your story to yourself as victim. You can’t find love because of your father. You are stingy with affection because of your mother. You always look for the wrong type of man because of your first boyfriend. Or you have a man who seems to be right, but he never listens to you. If you retell the story without blaming someone else for your behavior, will you still have a story to tell?
Rewrite your story from a different perspective. We always remember a story a little differently than the way it originally happened. Why not remember in a way that empowers you? Then smile at words attributed to Mark Twain: “The older I get the more clearly I remember things that never happened.”
If you are looking for love, rewrite your story and you will attract love — maybe not George Clooney, but perhaps Mr. Good Enough, who may look better in a positive light. If you are already part of a happy couple, when life throws you a curve ball, try recalling the joy of his proposal to you, your walk down the aisle, and the peace of togetherness. Then count your blessings.
Copyright 2012 Rita Watson/ All Rights Reserved
Rita Watson, an incurable romantic, is our relationship columnist and regular Journal contributor whose web address is ritawatson.com.
Rewrite your story and create the future you want on Page H5 of Sunday, May 20, 2012 issue of The Providence Journal