As promised, here is a list of Infidelity red flags and marriage saving solutions.
From this WebMD feature, here are seven signs of straying:
Red Flag No. 1: Crying Out for Help — I am not happy.
Marriage Saving Solution — Take the bait. Talk it out or get help!
Red Flag No. 2: Sudden Change — or Interest in Appearance. From botox for him to sexy dresses for her — watch out.
Marriage Saving Solution — If You Can’t Beat Them, Join Them — do your part to spice up and spruce up!
Red Flag No. 3: Unconstructive Criticism, even if deserved, hurts. “Why don’t you ever listen to me?” it’s a script ready of cheating.
Marriage Saving Solution — Listen and Learn. Even if he says something like, ‘Those two women are attractive,’ encourage him to talk about it so he will feel that he can talk to you about anything.
Red Flag No. 4: the Tony Soprano-Style Guilt Gift — Expensive jewely so you will look the other way.
Marriage Saving Solution — Trust your instincts and say something, but kindly!
Red Flag No. 5: Snubbed at the Company Party — That’s a no brainer. People know and now you are getting the hint.
Marriage Saving Solution — Address It Head-on: Open the lines of communication and say what you felt and what you are thinking, but GENTLY, GENTLY, GENTLY.
Red Flag No. 6: Sneaking — The cell phone is usually the culprit. The secret calls or the number he or she looks at but doesn’t respond. Also, more nights at the office.
Marriage Saving Solution — Confrontation (without being confrontational) HOW???
This is where I take issue with WebMDs advice. I think the marriage saving solution is to say, “I feel as if you are under a lot of stress and maybe I am not giving you what you need right now. But I want to be the one in your life who meets your needs. Tell me about this other person that I sense is coming between us.”
Red Flag No. 7: History Repeats Itself — Not much to add here other than to say, “Don’t let it happen. Try to intervene.”
Marriage Saving Solution — Set Boundaries: Try to set up rules that will safeguard your marriage — if you are talking to others, make certain you trust that their advice will be to help you strengthen the relationship instead of straying.
Cheating may not necessarily be the end of a relationship — it may be the wake up call. But, it is very difficult. And again, the research shows that a partner who cheats often needs companionship more than sex. WebMD: Nipping an Affair in the Bud
Copyright 2008 Rita Watson