Nancy Pelosi’s words before the bail out vote yesterday reminded me of a scene from The Blues Brothers.
Remember when the nun took her ruler to the knuckles of those bad boys? They deserved it, Nancy. No question. But when someone else has something you want, it is better to chose your words wisely than swing around a ruler.
Instead of extending an olive branch Nancy spooned out caster oil.
In fairness to her lack of tact – the old boys could have ignored her words and simply invoked a philosophy that says, “Unkind words are not about you, they are about the person who speaks them.”
Republicans blamed Pelosi’s tongue lashing for squelching success. Here is a reprint from The Swamp, The Chicago Tribune’s Washington Bureau which conjures up the image of the cow who gives a good bucket of milk and then kicks it over. Nancy went from —
“Today we must act for those Americans, for Main Street, and we must act now, with the bipartisan spirit of cooperation which allowed us to fashion this legislation….”
To an apparent addition to the transcript:
“For too long this government, eight years, has followed a right-wing ideology of anything goes, no supervision, no discipline, no regulation.” Full Transcript
Nancy, let’s pretend it is Halloween. You gather all the trick or treaters and say, “We each have a piece of candy in our hands – it is called a vote. If we all put our candy into this great big plastic pumpkin made from melted down credit cards – we can stand united and bail out the economy. I am ready to give up my candy.
“But I am not happy about giving up my candy, because it’s all your fault you right wingers took all the candy you wanted, no supervision, no discipline, no regulation. ” (Perhaps Nancy missed the part where Bubba pointed a finger at this own party and said, “We are all to blame.” Bubba )
I have images of her cracking that ruler and saying, “Now step up to the plastic pumpkin and drop in your vote.”
I guess what happened is this: a lot of men said, “To hell with you. You have enough candy on your side of the aisle to fill the great pumpkin – you take responsibility.”
Should men have ignored her and acted more responsibly? Read what I really write about most of the time – sex and relationships – and you will see that tone of voice can be a deal breaker. And don’t ask what happens when men hear the words — “How many times have I told you?” And that is precisely what Nancy was saying.
Did Nancy forgot the first rule of creating a win-win? If the person across the table has something that you want, you smile despite what you are thinking? With politics we are really talking about a big dysfunctional family — it is all about relationships.
It seems that woman have more difficulty with a win-win than men. When in fact, we should be the diplomats. In a win-win situation everyone wins something and everyone must give up something. There are three questions to consider for a win-win.
- What is it that I really need to feel as if I am winner?
- What is it that I am willing to give up?
- If I win, then what?
Here are four tips from The TACT® Strategies.
- Take A Minute
- Assess the Situation
- Consider the Alternatives
- Take a Stand (This is where we close the deal. )
Taking a stand!
- Make sure your stance is clearly known
- Do not underestimate strategies and timing aimed at success
- Be willing to negotiate a win-win situation
- Proceed with confidence
If I am sounding a bit condescending right now, Nancy, it is because women of the world are looking at you to act like a leader instead of a Blues Brothers ruler-wielding nun.
Hidden Agenda Hell If you don’t think words matter to men, read Sexual Shutout in Hidden Agenda Hell.
Copyright 2008 Rita Watson