The Washington Post Cover Story photo shows a mom with an apron and hanging from pockets you will see a pink of Jack Daniels, a bong pipe, riskee panties, and those ever provocative handcuffs. Hmm, she had some relationships.
So suddenly a research dilemma has surfaced. There doesn’t seem to be any studies regarding what to tell teens about our past. I mean “our past” doesn’t that mean that we can “pass over it” and just let selective senility take its course?
I always tried to be an honest Mother. When one of my sons asked if his girlfriend could spend the night I remember saying, “Absolutely not.” Not one to take “no” for an answer, he pushed a bit harder.
“What would you rather have me do — spend the night with her in the back seat of a car?”
Withough skipping a beat I responded, “Yes, cold and uncomfortable, just like we did it…. Well… not me… I meant to say… we… as in my generation….”
As the Post story tells when mothers were comparing notes about their most outrageous experience, one mother recounted her days as a topless pole dancer. A little too much information~
But its a relationship problem and parents needs to make a decision on how to deal with it. And honestly might be a policy to consider. However, it depends upon the already established relationship with your teens.
A teen who asks “Did you smoke pot?” Might deserve the answer, “The reason I know how dangerous it can be is that ‘yes’ I did try it.”
The article says, “Research does show that it’s important for parents to establish clear household values. ‘If you don’t want your kid to have unprotected sex, or you don’t want them having sex when very young, or doing drugs, it’s very important to show very strong disapproval of that,’ Manlove stressed. In other words, you risk sending a mixed message if you broke any of those rules and then ask your child not to break them.”
Make a pros and cons list.
Understand the maturity level of your child.
Try to hear the question that he or she is really asking. Do they want to know about YOUR past? Or are they asking about your past in order to gauge an action they are contemplating in the the present or future.
The Post articles noted, “Especially with teens, it is helpful for parents to remain authoritative without being authoritarian, and it is hard to be authoritative if there has been too much self-disclosure.” The Secret Lives of Moms
Copyright 2008 Rita Watson