Here is a copy of my article from the Providence Journal on Sunday: Money woes make for grumpy couples. But the end of the piece gives a suggestion on loving and laughter.
Rita Watson: Money woes make for grumpy couples
01:00 AM EDT on Sunday, November 2, 2008 / The Providence Journal and as featured on World News and France Observer. Rita_Watson_Money_woes_World News Network
RESULTS OF A MONEY Management International survey seem poignantly right for 73 percent of women who put financial savvy before looks or love in choosing a marriage partner. With the economy spiraling downward will each woman stand by her man?
Therapists are seeing more depression among couples today. Money is poised to ease out sex as the top reason for divorce. When financial instability escalates so too does anxiety, which triggers depression.
“While many things can interfere with sleep, stress and anxiety are very common, especially during an economic downturn,” according to neurologist Carl W. Bazil, M.D.
“Ruminating about financial and personal problems, particularly as people quiet down and try to get to sleep, can interfere with relaxation and sleep onset. After poor sleep, people tend to be more irritable, which can lead to further anxiety and continued difficulty with sleep,” he said.
Sleep is so important that even losing an hour or two a night can interfere with a person’s thinking and judgment. With interrupted sleep what eventually happens is “an involuntary pattern of poor relaxation and sleep interference with associated depression and poor functioning levels,” added Dr. Bazil, an associate professor of clinical neurology at Columbia University’s College of Physicians and Surgeons.
The National Center for Health Statistics reported in September that depression now affects one person in 20. How does today’s economy exacerbate depression? William Hurt Sledge, M.D., medical director of Yale New Haven Psychiatric Hospital, explained: “As couples or people who mean something to each other get stressed with this uncertain economy, they become preoccupied inwardly because of the threat to the self. In the process, they become relatively inaccessible, irritable and unable to be as generous and generative. In other words, they get really grumpy.”
We all know the arguments that ensue at breakfast based on the “You spilled the milk” scenario. The shouting match is never about the milk.
He added, “Resentments get magnified, regrets become manifest, old wounds are reopened for review and inspection, and recriminations are laid out, After all, it is only money. But if the money signifies perhaps lifetime achievement, comfort, success – then the sense of self takes a serious hit.”
We cannot fix Wall Street, but we can ward off depression and insomnia.
“This cycle can be broken by medication, which can help with relaxation at bedtime, or by behavioral techniques, such as meditation, which help with relaxation,” said Dr. Bazil. “Many people need both. But the longer sleeplessness continues, the more difficult it can become to restore good sleep patterns. Early intervention is preferable.”
Another mood booster is just a good hug. A report in October’s Journal of Psychosomatic Medicine notes that caring touch and massage can lower stress hormones.
What about sex? About five years ago, a paper called “Money, Sex and Happiness: An Empirical Study” was presented to the National Bureau on Economic Research. From a data sample of 16,000 adult Americans, researchers found that “sexual activity enters strongly positively in happiness equations.” Essentially, sex made the respondents feel better.
Dr. Sledge pointed out, “Some people reach out to each other and actually become more generative and generous, bringing a sense that whatever awful things happen, they will endure with the good that they have.”
For those battling over money issues big or small, you might try to scale back, speak kindly to each other, and find time for loving. To forget money worries some couples are using frequent-flyer miles at nearby hotels just to escape overnight.
If affordable places adapted the innovation of one Atlantic City hotel, they might be hanging up “No Vacancy” signs. At this ultra-luxury hotel, guest rooms have passion boxes filled with sexy goodies. If you decide to splurge on one last vacation at this resort, keep in mind that once you remove the passion kit from the shelf, you have just 60 seconds to peek inside. A minute longer and $18 will be charged to your room. However, if it takes your mind off the market and gives you the opportunity to reinvest in each other, then it could be priceless.
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When life gets messy — as it can with financial woes — take the time to laugh and read the words of Rabbi Irwin Kula in his book called Yearnings: Embracing the Sacred Messiness of Life. In the book Rabbi Kula explores the great yearings in our lives: Truth, Meaning, The Way, Love, Create, Happiness, and Trancendence.
Reading about love in these times of stress will uplift you and help you to find some meaning in the chaos of financial stress. Perhaps it will lead to a less complicated life which gives you more time for laughter and love. Here is a link to Amazon.com Yearnings.
COMMENTS CAN BE ADDED ON SUNDAY’S WEEK IN REVIEW — MANY THANKS/ R
Copyright 2008 Rita Watson