Men really dread the ‘We need to talk’ conversation
Rita Watson
While the media shouted with joy for Jennifer Aniston’s engagement to Justin Theroux, I was a bit more pensive. Brad Pitt broke her heart when he ran off with Angelina Jolie, whom he met on the set of “Mr. and Mrs. Smith.”
When Aniston met Theroux on the set of “Wanderlust,” it appears that he was living with his girlfriend of 14 years, Heidi Bivens. Did those two ever have the conversation that begins with “We need to talk” I wonder? Bivens, a New York and Los Angeles costume designer was apparently so taken aback when she learned of the new couple that she packed her bags and moved out of the home she and Theroux shared.
Men so dread the “Let’s talk” conversation that a new woman might appear to be a savior in a relationship in which love is waning. In fact, a recent survey of lawyers in the United Kingdom found that “growing apart” now tops infidelity as the key reason for divorce. Essentially two people simply fall out of love.
Emotions are unpredictable. We feel what we feel. Nonetheless, when a relationship is in trouble, oftentimes women know because their intuition tells them. This we learned some years ago from Dr. Henry Margenau, Yale philosopher of science, who co-authored “Einstein’s Space and Van Gogh’s Sky: Physical Reality and Beyond.”
But sometimes both men and women are taken by surprise, perhaps missing the clues or closing their eyes and wishing that despite a relationship lull, things will get better.
Right now while most people are cheering for Aniston, who was treated shabbily by Angelina Jolie, it feels as if the law of karma took a detour. What was supposed to happen is this. Jolie took from Aniston and someone was supposed to come along and snatch Brad Pitt from the temptress turned mother to a brood of children. Instead it seems like Aniston did “a Jolie.”
“Love conquers all,” so they say. However, in the world of life-long love, there will be moments of having to squirm through a truth-telling session — one that starts with “Something is not feeling right. I love you and I would like us to fix this.” Even in cases of infidelity, respected researchers tell us that getting to the root of a problem can oftentimes save a relationship. One secret may be to have little “talk” conversations often, even playfully pointed ones.
While I wish I could be solidly in Aniston’s cheering section, I wonder about Bivens, whose world of 14 years shattered practically overnight. In her bliss at finding love, perhaps Aniston forgot the Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”
Rita Watson, an incurable romantic, is our relationship columnist and regular Journal contributor whose web address is ritawatson.com
Please see Men really dread the ‘We need to talk’ conversation on Page H4 of Sunday, August 26, 2012 issue of The Providence Journal