Women as givers frequently do not fare as well as men who are givers when they realize their folly. Men have a way of turning the hurt into creative ventures. Women often fall into depression.
Men can transform hurt into “I’m not going to let this get to me” and will make a business prosper, or simply walk away. Women turn the hurt inward –and may avoid friends and opportunities to break free of the love lie. Then when the dream is shattered, the reality faced, they sink into a devastating melancholy.
Men rebound: Men as givers are often more enterprising when the women who are receivers move on. Businessmen in particular rebound more quickly for two reasons: money and opportunity.
Very often men are attracted to women first and foremost because of their looks. Read my column on Money, Marriage, Sex and Secrets. Women most often choose a man who is finacially sound.
Equal value: However, most men do try to find a woman who brings equal value to the table –so that the relationship is balanced. And research on financial patterns of couples shows that educated women prefer it that wayas well. They, too, want the relationship to be a partnership.
One Chicago entrepreneur spent years supporting his wife, an artist. She called him a workaholic who preferred to be with his cronies. However, she also spent much of his money buying paintings and jewelry. He kept giving. She kept taking. Then she met another artist — and left Nathan.
Three is the charm: The giver built himself and his staff a new office with the most up-to-date executive toys, which became home to the family of employees who remained faithful to him for many years. Then suddenly he married for the third time and sold his company. Nathan and his new wife started a new venture that she says, “Is far from the maddening crowd.” Fifteen years later, they are still living in bliss.
Nathan pointed out that his men’s group helped him. And there he learned that regardless of income level — the men who kept giving did so to fill a void — not just for their wives, but for themselves as well.
The maternal instinct: Women with a maternal instinct at first get angry with themselves for giving and giving. Oftentimes, even when they know that their cup of love is not being refilled, they try harder. When the truth hits, they are angry with their partner and themselves.
Take a look at Robert Sternberg’s questionnaire — What is Your Love Story? If you are a caretaker, or a rescuer, rethink the role. Finding Your Love Story A serious love scenario, in which “lifelong” is a priority, will foster happiness, good health and youthfulness at any age.
Copyright 2008 Rita Watson (The Dictionary of Love and Danger: For Men Only)