Providence Journal, February 24, 2013
As Valentine’s Day becomes a memory, you can still keep love alive by embracing advice from nationally respected experts and ignoring the self-appointed Internet infidelity mavens. Do you really want to snoop to determine whether husbands or lovers sent flowers or gifts to another woman on what is hyped as Mistress Day, Feb. 13? Since surveys through the National Science Foundation point out that infidelity is down, seize the opportunity to make love a priority and have a look at ways to keep your relationship vibrant and intact.
I was recently in touch with Dr. Bradford Wilcox, a sociologist and director of the Marriage Project at the University of Virginia, and he is advocating for marriage and family. Dr. Wilcox believes that “Marriage plays a central role in securing the American Dream for countless Americans. Adults and children fortunate enough to live in an intact, married family are much more likely to succeed in school and the workplace, to acquire a home of their own, and to experience upward mobility.”
Although marriage may be on the wane, Dr. Wilcox and his colleague, Jeffrey Dew, did a date-night study among married couples. It is not surprising that those who spend couples’ time together reported higher levels of happiness. The study found that date nights were a way that might keep lines of communication open, strengthen togetherness through shared activities ranging from bike riding to card games, enhance romantic love and sex, solidify commitment and relieve stress.
Their report, called “The Date Night Opportunity,” pointed out that “Date nights may be helpful for relieving stress on couples, as they allow them to enjoy time with one another apart from the pressing concerns of their ordinary life. Indeed, for this reason, couples may be better served by date nights when they do not dwell on difficult topics —such as family finances — during these times together. Moreover, date nights may allow spouses and romantic partners to extend emotional support to one another in times of trial.”
We think of love as a mystery and it seems even more complex when one considers research that says love is like cocaine. In a small, but often reported, Syracuse University study we learned that falling in love takes two-tenths of a second.
However, the enduring love hormone is oxytocin, which thrives during love-making. Often called the love drug, oxytocin plays a role in bonding, maternal instinct, enduring friendship, marriage and orgasms. Despite Internet claims of Love Potion No. 9 to enhance attraction through chemical oxytocin and pheromones, here is a better way. Keep love alive is through the mingling of trust, physical touch, and setting two priorities for your relationship — love and gratitude.
Rita Watson, an incurable romantic, is one of our relationship columnists and a regular Journal contributor. Her web address is ritawatson.com.