In reading the newly released United Kingdom love study that tells us that love connections will cost us two friends,Why UK study says love costs friendships, a love secret, I was reminded of a article from Oprah.com. The article shows that the world of love can really be quite simple. It is all about choices and perception. Here are some highlights.
Anxiety love and calm love
Researchers set out to answer the question “Can love last?” What did they find after talking with people and doing brain scans?
- Young love is short lived — 18 months to 3 years, and oftentimes anxious
- Middle aged men and woman showed the SAME brain activity “as those of young lovers, individuals who had been intensely in love an average of only seven months.”
- The big difference among the older lovers — brain regions associated with anxiety were no longer active; instead, there was activity in the areas associated with calmness.How to make love last
Based on research from psychologist Marcel Zentner, PhD, of the University of Geneva, the work of the late Professor Joseph Campbell “The Power of Myth,” and advice from marriage expert and psychiatrist Scott Haltzman,MD, here are three big love secrets
The big three love secrets
1. Maintain positive illusions
2. Be loyal and forgiving each day
3. Re-ignite that oxytocin
Maintaining positive illusions
From the research of Marcel Zentner, PhD, of the University of Geneva: “Men and women who continue to maintain that their partner is attractive, funny, kind, and ideal for them in just about every way remain content with each other.” How to make love last
(Here is one way you can do this: Relationship Tips: choose to Cherish instead of Criticize)
Incorporating forgiveness in your life each day
In Joseph Campbell’s The Power of Myth he talked about the essence of marriage, and later discussed this with journalist Bill Moyers on PBS. He called ”loyalty” the essence of marriage — “not cheating, not defecting — through whatever trials or suffering, you remain true.”
Bill Moyers added: “The Puritans call marriage the little church within the church. In marriage, every day you love, and every day you forgive. It is an ongoing sacrament — love and forgiveness.”
Re-ignite that oxytocin
Dr. Halzman says that natural highs “can produce excitatory neurochemicals that the brain interprets as excitement about your partner, not the activity.” He suggests:
- Make love –sex produces a natural high that can boost oxytocin levels.
- Do something out of your normal routine, such as, going to an amusement park or walking in the rain. And if you are walking in the rain, skip puddles or see who can jump into a puddle and make the biggest splash.
- Go to a new restaurant and order a dish that is completely unlike anything else you have ever ordered.
These activities will trigger the bonding effect. These and many other thoughts are in his latest book: The Secrets of Happy Families: Eight Keys to Building a Lifetime of Connection and Contentment
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