Did you ever hear a woman or man being critical of a partner or spouse in public? It is really unnerving.
At a dinner party we once attended, silverware jangled each time a husband spoke and his wife snapped: “How many times do I have to tell you, that’s not how it happened?”
These can be the most damaging words in relationships. “How many times do I have to tell you?”
In this case her husband said nothing. At the end of the evening he pulled me aside and said, “You seemed surprised that I didn’t react. I am used to it. That’s just the way she is.”
Then he added, “I don’t hear her anymore. I live by an old Mexican saying”
Don’t take unkind words personally. They are not because of you. They are because of the one who utters them.
The next time you are tempted to be critical of your spouse, your lover, your child — why not think in terms of cherishing the other person rather than criticizing?
A lifelong friend who was raised a Christian Scientist shared a family tradition. Whenever anyone in the family had an angry thought or felt critical of another person, their mother would have them write out 10 positive throughts to cancel out the one negative.
She would try to have the children find positive attributes in the person who had angered them. And if that was not possible, they had to find ten things in life for which to be grateful. Eventually it was difficut to muster up anger, resentment, and the need to say an unkind word.
In some ways, this is called unconditional love.
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Copyright 2010 Rita Watson/ All Rights Reserved