Sometimes in a love relationship we lose patience, or become too comfortable with a person and, as such, instead of acknowledging what the other person needs or wishes, we say something insensitive. Sometimes it happens in small ways, sometimes in ways that are really hurtful. There is some wisdom in this very old saying:
I have often had to apologize for my words, but never my silence.
Here is an uber-simple example — your love stubs his or her toe and you say, “Don’t be so dramatic, it’s only your toe,” instead of admitting, “Oh, I hate stubbing my toe, you must be hurting right now.”
In relationships there will be bigger issues: What happens when one of you comes home after having knocked a fender off a relatively new car?
The belittling response too often heard is, “How could you have been so careless? The car is practically new.”
The person who damaged the car is already upset. If there is a right answer, the one that most wish to hear is this: “I am so sorry, you must have been so upset.”
It never hurts to be loving in little areas of your life and eventually it will come naturally when it is essential.
Be a support instead of a roadblock. The following seems obvious, but sometimes a little reminder helps!
1. Listen when someone expresses a feeling, or a regret.
2. Acknowledge what they say.
3. Say something positive or say nothing at all.
In the real world it never hurts to convey a loving kindness. Think of your words as flowers when someone needs a smile.
Copyright 2010 Rita Watson/ All Rights Reserved