Here is my article this month from my monthly column at the Providence Journal:
Rita Watson: Wall Street to Main Street: Looking for love
01:00 AM EDT on Sunday, May 3, 2009
EVEN WITH THE RECENT free-fall on Wall Street, pricey matchmaking and online love services appear to be booming. Despite the stock-market downturn some Wall Streeters are writing checks from $25,000 to $50,000 to find the right partner.
However, Prof. Shoshana Grossbard, of the Department of Economics at San Diego State University, says, “Even if there are more Wall Street men looking for such women at the present time, one wonders if there is a matching increase in women’s willingness to act as nurturing partners.
“It is possible that women’s willingness to provide a warm home to Wall Street men, and other men in need of comfort, is now higher as women are finding fewer job opportunities in labor markets. As such, the ‘wife track’ may be relatively more attractive these days. It always takes two to tango.”
The recession has not hurt matchmaking, which is one of the most lucrative online content categories in many years. It is estimated that by 2011 it will be a $932 million industry, according to Jupiter Research.
Why the appeal? Scott Haltzman, M.D., a psychiatrist at Brown University, said, “When looking for love, people seek a mysterious amalgam of qualities in another person. In part, we have preconceived notions of what we find attractive, based on our own cultures and families, and also influenced by the culture around us. There’s quite a bit of trial and error when it comes to dating, and these services allow you to ‘figure out’ with whom you are a good match without investing money in failed attempts at finding Mr. or Ms. Right.
“Over the Web, you can develop intimacy with someone before you ever meet him or her. You can have deep conversations long into the night and not have to pay for so much as a cheeseburger.” Dr. Haltzman is author of The Secrets of Happily Married Men: Eight Ways to Win Your Wife’s Heart Forever, and The Secrets of Happily Married Women: How to Get More Out of Your Relationship by Doing Less.
Although some reports say there is a trend towards matchmaking services that boast of success with long-term relationships, including marriage, Professor Grossbard says that marriage loses its allure during tough economic times, pointing out that in the early years of the Great Depression, the marriage rate dropped 20 percent.
My skepticism about matchmaking and online dating concerns status – not financial but marital.
With two out of three men cheating on their wives at one time or another, according to recent research, how does one really know if someone online is married or single? Several years ago I wrote that men and dogs should come with papers – the dogs to prove their pedigree and the men to prove they are really free. A barrage of criticism followed, citing my politically incorrect posturing. Nonetheless, online anonymity leaves room for deception in both sexes.
However, in terms of divorce there is good news. The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers reported at the end of 2009 that 37 percent of its members say they typically see a decrease in divorce cases during national economic downturns.
For cautious love seekers, there are some local services that do the screening for you, such as It’s Just Lunch, in San Diego, and LunchDates, in Boston.
Marty Sack, who heads LunchDates, tells me that his company spends close to an hour getting information from each client and even asks to see one’s driver’s license or birth certificate so that there is no lying about age. Although we now have a cougar trend – older women, younger men – he said, “These days men who are looking for a sound, long-term relationship want women to share lifestyles, activities, and have some independence.”
Nonetheless dating a stranger has its drawbacks. Those who have not taken seriously the condom-up message could end up receiving a “You’ve Got Mail” ring on their computer. Instead of an e-mail that says, “I love you dearly,” it could turn out to be one of those anonymously generated electronic cards informing you that you have been infected with a sexually transmitted disease. That would be devastating.
But for skeptics like me, there is another small, but nagging worry: What if you end up meeting one of the fish you had already thrown back into the sea?
Rita Watson is a monthly contributor and a daily syndicated blogger at www.ritawatson.com.