Some of us are veterans at Long Distance Relationships. Do they work? Usually if you are a long term couple initially and financially self-sufficient.
I know quite a number of married couples who have done quite well on long distance relationships — both parties were (are) professional couples, totally devoted to each other with no children.
Meeting in Paris: For those who have been involved for many years and long distance becomes a job necessity, one of the suggestions that I like best is vacationing together. Meet in Paris. Everything is more romantic in Paris. Just keep in mind that the time together is a fantasy.
Success factors: Other success factors include ease of travel, time together (every two to three weeks is best), and an approximately equal income helps in terms of independence.
Most often marriage is what makes the relationship a success — unless it is a second marriage and children are involved — then the success rate with or without long distance travel is 30 – 40 percent according to family court research. However, the research on the success of LDRs was conducted primarily on childless couples.
It helps to be in the same country, but if not a time zone that makes communicating easy helps. I just discovered for example that when it is morning here — it is evening in Dubai. Same time, just the difference between AM and PM. Whereas I’m always challenged by those cities that are between 3 and 5 hours phone distance away.
Avice columns: Most of the advice columns on LDRs — with regard to new coupls — suggest an “end” time goal. Six months for marriage. But keep in mind that the LDR is artificial in itself — and that too many couples try it, move in together or wed — and then face the shock of routine or each other’s real habits and needs within three – six months. That’s when the thrill and the excitement is gone and day to day sets in.
Indepdent women: For independent women, it often only takes only a few weeks of being with someone on their turf living their daily business routine to determine if the relationship can go forward.
Women essentially being supported: Women who are essentially being supported by the man tend to be more patient for up to a full year. We all know of the couples who seem ideal in public but on “girls night out” the women reveal their true motives, frustrations, and intentions. And too many caretakers find themselves hurt and wondering, “Why?”
So here it is: From the men and the women. Some advice and a quiz. You be the judge. Ask Men. From the Women.
Copyright 2008 Rita Watson