We have all been to parties where we envied those lovey-dovey couples and their public display of affection. And sometimes, in the same room, there was the silent-treatment pair making everyone in their company feel uncomfortable.
Recently, researchers have been highlighting relationships, and one study reveals that givers have a greater chance at happiness than takers. Givers are generous with kisses, kindness and words. On the flip side are the withholders, those who give the cold shoulder to their partners.
The successful principle of giving without expecting anything in return has been studied in business culture —researchers found that givers shared more important information as well as resources, while takers kept it all to themselves — and it applies equally to couples’ relationships.
Now let’s look at those silent treatment couples. Here, studies have shown that that there are harmful consequences when one person in a relationship shuts down. There is no giving; there is just withdrawing. Nonetheless, this is one of the most common ways married couples deal with conflict.
Here are the top 10 secrets to strengthening love provided by relationship experts:
- Say “I love you” in the morning and at night.
- Banish the words, “How many times have I told you?” from your vocabulary.
- Kiss five times a day and enjoy intimacy twice a week.
- Avoid criticism and the silent treatment.
- Be generous with praise and gratitude.
- Stop shouting and playing the blame game.
- Find ways to make each other laugh.
- Respect boundaries — that means no computer snooping.
- Maintain positive illusions.
- Accept responsibility if you are wrong and say so.
- Be forgiving.
In a love relationship, learn the value of “we” to help strengthen connections, says Dr. Karen Skerrett of Northwestern University. The book “Positive Couple Therapy: Using We-Stories to Enhance Resilience,” which Skerrett co-authored, points out that couples who create mutual stories and share them with family and friends develop “a sense of mutuality” that helps foster lifelong love.
Rita Watson, MPH, is a relationship columnist for All About You and writes the “With Love and Gratitude” column for PsychologyToday.com.
Rita Watson: Learning to give can strengthen your love: Published on 24 August 2014