July 4th is time to think about love and fireworks / Rita Watson
Independence Day fireworks often convey a dazzling commemoration of national freedom. But what about one’s personal freedom — freedom to be, to think, to act upon wishes and dreams of a new love or more exciting moments with the love in your life? If we are to believe the new research that tells us that menopause happened because men began trading up for younger women, is it time to take back our own biological clocks? Or should women embrace the freedom to take a more definitive role in relationships?
Many women today were raised to be “sugar and spice and everything nice” while waiting for proms and marriage. But when the founder of Ms. Magazine, Gloria Steinem, proclaimed, “A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle,” the feminist movement flourished. While it gave equality in the workplace, once the Pandora’s box of relationships had been opened, pent-up anger turned marriages upside down.
Ironically, what did emerge was the feminist male. These were the younger, more sensitive men who came to enjoy shared parenting and who helped out in the house — particularly after research surfaced saying that men who helped with household chores had better sex lives.
However, in terms of evolution, research scientists told us that while men and women fell in love and married in the 20s, by their 40s something happened. Men began looking for younger women because their wives began heading into menopause and lost interest in sex.
Here is the chicken and the egg part of the story. McMasterUniversity in Canada is renown for its innovation in terms of discovery. In mid-June it released a report led by an evolutionary geneticist who concluded that as males began selecting younger women as mates, the Darwinian deck was stacked against fertility in older women. Simply put, it’s the men who cause menopause in women. The study points out that “if women had historically been the ones to select younger mates, the situation would have been reversed, with men losing fertility.”
What does this mean for relationships today? Perhaps each woman has the opportunity to shape her destiny despite the evolutionary process. With the parade of movie stars embracing motherhood in their 40s, we may be seeing a turnaround in attitudes. Maybe it’s time for older single women to seek out younger men or if married and in a rut, shake up their love life with some champagne and strawberries date nights.
In thinking about Fourth of July freedom, perhaps think of yourself as a butterfly emerging from a cocoon. Re-read “Hope for the Flowers.” Embrace love on your own terms with mutual respect and you will find happiness comes to your door in some serendipitous way.
Rita Watson (ritawatson.com) is an All About You relationship columnist.
Providence JournalByline Rita WatsonSunday, June 30, 2013Page: H5Section: All About You