In era of computer dating, we still crave community ‍

In era of computer dating, we still crave community   ‍
Rita ‍Watson/ Providence Journal, February 19, 2012
With love in the air and online dating skyrocketing, it was intriguing to read a column from a psychiatry department chair advocating that we meet and marry The Girl or Boy Next Door.
Yes, it is possible to find the love of your life online, but first you must do your homework to find out who is behind the computer screen.    When you meet someone through family, friends, your work, a neighborhood gathering, volunteerism or a potluck church supper, you start off sharing a connection — a sense of common values and social   supports that may help you through rocky periods.
T. Byram Karasu, M.D., believes in marrying within what he calls your “tribal community.” Based on his column and an e-mail exchange he said: “You’ll be freed from time-consuming   negotiations. You’ll know where you stand in every aspect of your life and effortlessly move from one arena to another. Having common mores, ethics, rituals, and a sense of oneness will simplify your life and make it joyful.” Dr. Karasu is at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine.
Although I have friends who met and married their online love, it is helpful if one has time to grow into a relationship with a supportive social network.
The potluck supper and online dating share a level of intrigue. With one you are   never quite sure of the quality of food you are going to taste. And with the other you won’t really know who will turn up looking for love. However, a potluck supper offers a distinct advantage — with or without wedding bells — it is a gathering to strengthen relationships.
Where there is no place to gather, there is no community. In Boston, when Blackstone’s of Beacon Hill began author’s book signings, neighbors met. Community is a cornerstone in Providence, where Books on the Square still thrives and the new Wayland   Square Diner has breathed energy and friendship into the former Rufful’s.
Art Markman, Ph.D., a cognitive scientist at the University of Texas, recently wrote: “The independent lifestyle that we often lead in the United States creates great freedom. But that freedom comes at the cost of our connection to community.” That’s why we love independence, individuality and Starbucks.
There is a sense of transience with online dating in which technology has taken over romance. The days of anticipating a love   letter are long gone — although researchers say these are missed. Instead people send tweets, texts or e-mails. For those with smart phones, the “face time” call might soon replace hand-holding moments.
Nonetheless, online dating is here to stay. Why? When was the last time you decided to play matchmaker and arrange for two friends to meet?    ‍
Rita ‍Watson, an incurable romantic, is our relationship columnist and regular Journal contributor whose web address is  www.ritawatson.com