Too often, when a relationship is in trouble, one party is unfaithful. When does this usually happen?
Usually there are games that are played before any person cheats. These often include the notion of who is right and who is wrong. There seems to be a few variations of the game, but essentially one can expect:
• The silent treatment because one is right, the other is wrong.
• One party may withhold sex, because one is right, another is wrong.
• One person may take a hard line on an issue and it doesn’t matter who is right or wrong – there is a stalemate.
Respect: The unique aspect is the ability for two people, independent thinkers, to respect the other’s point of view. Infidelity never settles an argument. In fact, cheating always delays the resolution.
Infidelity is harmful: Drawing a line in the sand creates a tension in which one may win the battle but lose the war. Or win a point, and lose out on love. But what happens when tension builds up is that one person seeks solace in the arms of another. Even if there is no physical infidelity, emotionally one can detach from one’s spouse and bond with another person.
When this happens, the big questions is this: “Should I fess up to cheating?”
Websites one relationships, post two simple views. “Yes, you should tell.” Or “No, keep your mouth shut.”
If you tell: This is a tough one because some spouses cannot handle indiscretion. Cheating does not signal an end to marriage or a relationship, but it will most certainly add a new stress and stain. Researchers tell us that it can often take up to two years before a marriage in which one partner cheated is made right. Distrust, betrayal, anger often consumes the partnership.
Forgiveness: When two people reach a stalemate, for the sake of the marriage or the relationship there is only one solution — negotiating a settlement by working through the problem instead of pretending it will go away. Talk about problems the minute they occur.
Anger and laughter: My grandmother always said, “Never let the sun set on your anger.” Find something to laugh about even in a difficult situation. It is so difficult to laugh when you are angry. But finding a way to use a sense of humor to help you through difficult times will be worth the effort and may save your marriage.
Copyright 2008 Rita Watson