Many of us had mothers or grandmothers who often reminded us: “You reap what you sow.” They were teaching us about the law of karma, the secret to emotional generosity as a way to create abundance. Karma suggests that choices we made in our past, in words and deeds, will return to us. Fortunately, we can start today to neutralize the past while laying a foundation for the future. To create the type of energy that brings about abundance, forgiveness is a first step.
Forgiveness is a challenge. And often, we do not really want to forgive. Sometimes, we even find it difficult to forgive ourselves.
Who is the most difficult to forgive? The person we most love, the person with whom we have an intimate relationship. As such, we play the silent treatment game or the game of accusations — “Why didn’t you?” or “You never.”
Dr. Mark Banschick, author of “The Intelligent Divorce,” recently wrote in Psychology Today: “Forgiveness is an awesome human power and it’s worth understanding.”
One of the points he makes is the concept of forgiving and forgetting. He doesn’t necessarily believe in forgetting, but he does say that “if you learned something wise from forgiving someone, it is a good thing to remember how you came to learn the lesson that has proved so valuable.”
Before trying to make amends, to right a wrong, forgiveness is a necessary first step. However, to forgive someone may take time and understanding. Here is a simple formula:
- Write out three reasons you liked the person that you now have a grudge against.
- Write out one reason that you know that he or she may have hurt you.
Then, admit to yourself how you might have contributed to his or her decision to be unkind to you — even though it is just a remote possibility.
Now the forgiveness factor gets even harder. Wish blessings to the person with whom you are angry, the person whom you feel wronged you. Write the blessings in a list so that you can see that you are wishing that person or people calm, loving moments. Wish them money. Wish them happiness. The good thoughts you send to others are returned to you.
An easy way to plant an abundance garden is to start by complimenting others or writing thank you notes. You might offer your time to help someone, or to support someone in need. Send a gift. Once you break the resentment bond, you make a space in your heart that is open and free. The universe will respond by filling that space with blessings, setting the stage for the emotional generosity that attracts abundance.
Rita Watson, an incurable romantic, is one of our relationship columnists and a regular Journal contributor. Her web address is ritawatson.com.