If you are alone on Saturday night there are probably two reasons: He didn’t call. And you made no other plans. In fact, in Psychology Today, I pointed out that if he didn’t call and left you high and dry on a Saturday night — he was not the right one for you. Home Alone on Saturday Night? No Call from Mr. Right?
As to why he didn’t call, the cold reality may be that “He’s just not that into you.”
You may have been panting with desire, but he didn’t feel the spark. And so here is the moment of truth. Did you really want to be with HIM or do you really just want to be in a relationship? Have you perhaps been thinking of Settling for Mr. Good Enough ?)
In my world – if he didn’t call, forget him. But for women who want answers, here is a “He Said, She Said” look from your LoveColumnist and The Beltway Bachelor, whose name I will refrain from revealing rather than hear from a trail of broken hearts in Washington
He Said/ She Said: ‘Why he didn’t call’
He said: Maybe after their last date he decided that he didn’t really like her as much as she thought.
She said: Facing the not-so-pretty truth, oooh that hurts.
He said: Maybe he just said, “I’ll call” as a graceful (yes, read ‘cowardly’) way of bowing out.
She said: The brush-off. “I’ll call” without a future plan is a wimp out.
He said: Maybe he didn’t want to appear too anxious.
She said: What! Didn’t want to appear too anxious? So he stands her up!
He said: Maybe a gargoyle fell on his cell phone, smashed it, and away went her telephone number.
She said: The gargoyle – of course, he was in Paris walking under an old cathedral and before he knew what hit him – never mind.
He said: So, I was exaggerating. A simple stone owl fell on the phone.
She said: Thank you, Counselor, for the clarification. You always know how to time a laugh.
He said: Maybe she was thinking ‘bride’ and he was wondering how much longer he would have to cuddle before he could slip away.
She said: The biological clock. Yes, that can be a real deal-breaker. When those alarms go off, they just send a guy racing along. Then just to be subtle she tells the story of “her friend” who is worried about the ticking clock and is already planning her wedding even though she doesn’t have a guy. I can hear that alarm now.
He said: Guys clocks only have second hands. Maybe she should have done something other that sit by the phone like a romantically obsessed Victorian woman hoping for the dark, brooding and very fictional Heathcliff. And just for the record — the story about the wedding obsessed gal – she’s from my office and spends every lunch hour planning her wedding down to the last detail even though she doesn’t have a man.
She said: True, but at least she had vision and hope.
He said: … and delusion. But here is another all too real possibility as to why he didn’t call. Maybe he is already in a relationship that he failed to disclose. Cheesy, yes,
She said: Yikes, you are right! Sleazy not cheesy!
What should you do?
The bottom line is this. If you made a tentative plan, confirm it by email or text message or phone on Thursday. If you don’t get a response, make a plan with your girlfriends. And cross him off the list.
Should you give the guy a pass? Only if 1) He sends flowers. 2) He calls to apologize. 3) Or mails you a photo of the gargoyle (or stone owl) resting on his cell phone clipped from a front page feature in Le Monde.
He said: Is this all of the above, multiple choice or will two out of three suffice?
She said: No comment.
The Last Word: We could go on endlessly over “the last word” but since it is my column, I get to wrap it up. Even if this guy makes you laugh until your sides hurt, if he didn’t call to confirm or cancel, he is basically rude and immature. Toss that fish back into the sea.
[But in the spirit of fair play and equality – maybe the next time, dear, you can add “He’s been called far worse than a fish before!” which obviously doesn’t matter to him.]
Copyright 2011 Rita Watson/ All Rights Reserved
Copyright 2011 The Beltway Bachelor