Lying for love? This just in from Paris, “A resounding OUI for ladies who lie for relationships –guilty as charged.”
You all well know that I am a firm believer that all relationships should be based on truth. But perhaps truth varies depending upon the generation, the country, the culture, and the honesty in admitting that you may be painting in shades of gray.
An American in Paris: Lying to Ourselves
Aimee Charest is a beautiful and talented twenty-ish American in Paris. She has been living and working there since January. She believes that everyone is afraid of being alone or being rejected.
Aimee says, “I think the real problem is that we lie to ourselves too much. As cliché as it may sound, the person we really need to be happy with is ourselves… and taking that one step further, the person we really need to be honest with is ourselves. ”
She reminds us that we each need to ask ourselves, “What do I want, how do I feel?” Why? “Because at the end of the day, we all find ourselves alone with ourselves, our thoughts and our desires – whether we are single for years, or happily married.”
Carefully Nurtured Love Relationships
Aimee added, “Being in France, it seems that woman/man relationships are more carefully nurtured. There isn’t a feeling that you can date more than one person at a time; it’s more like if you don’t like that person anymore, it’s over, c’est la fin.
“The French don’t understand the whole ‘testing’ people out; they can be more honest with their feelings (if it’s about sex it’s about sex). Sure it’s easy to kid yourself that this dreamy French guy is the real deal, but the refreshingly honest thing is that you learn quickly that it’s probably not… and that’s okay!
“Sometimes I get the feeling that in the US we are searching for that special person to marry and begin our lives, instead of maybe living our lives for the right now.
“As a 20-something living in Paris (don’t think for one minute I don’t realize how lucky I am), perhaps it’s too easy for me to say that my current thought on relationships would be to have a life filled with lovers, affairs of the heart. ”
The Marriage Problem, Love Lies, and Happiness
“Hearing so many disaster stories about marriage has made me wary and quite skeptical – and I grew up with the most loving wonderful parents, who are still together after 26 odd years. And I am also saying this as a hopeless (albeit independent) romantic.
“I just wonder how possible this is anymore; especially if you lack honesty. I have realized that I never want to be in a relationship that isn’t honest – not to say that you have to share every little thing with your partner, because I don’t think that’s healthy. But I believe you should be on the same page as the person you are with (family, values, marriage or not, hopes, money, etc.)
“Last thought is that judging people for the fact that they are not honest with themselves or their partners is just plain wrong. It only serves to make you feel better and who knows – they could be extremely happy and fulfilled.
“So I don’t think honesty necessarily brings happiness to everyone even if it is a big factor for me. Who knows? The more I live, the less I know, and that’s just fine with me.”
Aimee, we love your fresh perspective. Nonetheless, I remain neutral, but opinionated.
Links to Love and Lives:
How Big a Love Lie Have You Bought? ,
Deception in Love and Sex,
Alone in Love and Danger: the Love Myth
Copyright 2008 Rita Watson
