Forgiveness is one resolution worth making

Rita Watson

In talking to women and men about New Year’s Eve, it seems that a new model is emerging. Instead of lavish partying, they are celebrating with little groups of friends. Oftentimes, these become reflections of the past while voicing hope for the future. January is a curious time for love, lovers, and new beginnings — despite a low point in emotions after holiday highs.
For some reason we become obsessed with resolutions, which many of us regret even before the month is out. After all, resolutions are ways of chastising ourselves for eating too much, drinking too much, loving too much and perhaps demanding too much.
Midway into 2011, when I realized that I would never look like Nicole Kidman, I abandoned my decision to buy yet another diet book.    Instead I went back mid-year to a practice that I normally reserve for January: welcoming the month as a time to look at old issues in a new way, oftentimes through the eyes of my great-grandmother. She taught us about love, forgiveness, anger, disappointment, and happiness.
Gram’s water house had sweeping views of the ocean and we would sit on the porch for hours listening to the waves, watching the sea gulls, and counting the boats that reveled in the blue waters.
Whenever I am confronted with a problem, I return to the beach or to a corner of my home filled with bowls of water and floating candles. It reminds me of New Year reflections and my never-ending search for serenity. While it often eludes us, serenity begins with gratitude. Grows with forgiveness.  And blossoms when we face down anger and our shadow side — that side of our personality that we wish to pretend does not exist.
As I write this I am reminded of the friends who confided in me their stories of holiday confrontations with spouses and lovers.  These often begin with the dreaded words, “We need to talk.”
When I asked: “Why not just give the guy a pass” I was met with indignation about setting the record straight and making sure they were both on the same path.
For women, it was the altar. For men, it was out the door. Sad to say in each case, a be tter choice of words might have produced a better outcome.
In his book “Healing and Wholeness” John Sanford tells us: “Our life must have a story in order for us to be whole. And this means we must come up against something; otherwise a story cannot take place.”
If your story for the New Year is filled with angst regarding the love in your life, why not try gratitude and forgiveness? It might just turn your frog into a prince.
Rita Watson, one of our Relationship columnists and a regular op-ed page contributor, is an author, mother and incurable romantic. You can reach her at www.ritawatson.com .