With the forgiveness factor, do men perceive “forgive and forget” differently than women?
I wish I had the answer. Best I can do here is to take some info from May 11th and add a note from www.Don’tDateHimGirl.com — five reasons men fall out of love.
Regarding forgiveness:
Men — The above mentioned site points out that “when things get tough, men go careening off the relationship cliff and often don’t look back, also leading them to fall out of love.” To learn more, check out Why Men Fall Out of Love: What Every Woman Needs to Understand by Michael French.
Men are not as forgiving when they discover their wife is having an affair. However, I know of men who are very forgiving and simply let the good law of karma run its course.
Women — While women frequently don’t leave, they may hold out on the forgiveness factor especially if they rationalize that they are in the right. With this attitude, everyone loses.
In terms of infidelity, however, women tend to be more forgiving of their husbands, especially when children are involved.
Friendships and tenure — Sometimes relationships and friendships last a lifetime. Sometimes they are only meant to bring blessings for a particular moment in one’s life.
However, I am on the side of the Yale department head, who after learning that a woman turned down tenure to be with her husband in another country — pounded his desk and said to us, “She was a fool. Marriages come and go. But friendships and tenure last forever.”
Friendships, Relationships, and Forgiveness
Friendships are protective. The Journal of the American Medical Association found that when healthy volunteers were infected with a cold virus, those who had a network of social contacts were less likely to get sick than the loners. Friends help you to stay balanced, will help you laugh at yourself, and understand the forgiveness factor.
Too often when a relationship of marriage becomes rocky — for whatever the reasons –people ignore the problem, take take their differences to the public arena, find solace in an affair, or simply leave.
Practice forgiving. It is a lot simplier than you might think.
- Write down the one thing that is bothering you about your spouse or lover.
- Ask yourself what role you are playing in problem.
- Then write ten positive qualities of your partner. A friend who long practiced Religious Science says it takes ten positives to cancel out one negative.
- Begin to see yourself interacting with the positive person with whom you fell in love.
Take a chance and embrace change, a change in thinking from anger to forgiveness. It will do wonders for your heart and may save your marriage or relationship.
Copyright 2008 Rita Watson