- Rita Watson: In times of change, forgiveness and gratitude pave the way to serenity – Published 3/7/2015 in Entertainment & Life
Stress and anxiety are serenity stealers that we often experience during times of change. Even for the better, change can send us into a panic. I was overwhelmed this week in the midst of downsizing. As treasures came out of hiding, I began second-guessing. I found two tiny sweaters worn by my children as infants. Then there appeared a box of drawings from my sons’ kindergarten days. And glistening in plain sight was our mother’s ornate crystal.
Could I leave all this behind? Serenity began slipping away.It is doubly challenging when you and your partner have different points of view as to how to manage change. As stress and anxiety build up, fighting words just seem to roll off tongues: “How could you?” Or “What made you think this was a good decision?” Or worse, “What’s wrong with you?”
In one of my earlier books, I describe serenity as the simple experience of absolute calm. And yet the dictionary meanings are far more expansive. Definitions of serenity range from the visual panorama of light, ocean, and sky to a quality known as regal, a demeanor called dignity, and a state free of storms or change.
When our comfort zone is interrupted by planned or unplanned circumstances, we oftentimes begin questioning ourselves. But in addition to change, there are other serenity stealers: Anger, betrayal of trust, the desire for retaliation, undermining, untruths told about us.
To gain control of ourselves, rather than fall prey to the serenity stealers, it is helpful to build up reserves of peace and spend some time alone in quiet. Here are four thoughts on creating a reservoir of calm and confidence:
Gratitude: Make a daily gratitude list even if you can just think of four things for which you might say, “Thank you.”
Praise and forgiveness: For the decisions you made that turned out well, applaud yourself. For decisions that did not turn out as well as you had hoped, forgive yourself and move on.
Create positive scenarios: For those situations in your past that did not have a positive outcome, rehearse how you might behave or react differently when something similar happens again in the future.
Appreciate heightened intuition: When you spend time “centering” each day, researchers say that you will discover a sense of “knowing, just knowing.” Trust these intuitive leanings.
Yes, change can be disruptive. Just look at how many of us reacted as the snow kept piling up on our streets. However, whether we chose to make a change or change is thrust upon us, an appreciative and confident sense of self can help you attain a certain peace of mind.
Rita Watson is a relationship columnist for the Providence Journal and PsychologyToday.com.