Do you fall in love too easily then become disillusioned? How can we be a bit more discerning and keep the oxytocin illusion in check?
- Get to know your partner on more than just a casual basis. Spend time with one another. A one night moment of passion doesn’t cut it.
- Share a cup of warm coffee. Yale researcher Professor John A. Bargh with Lawrence Williams of the University of Colorado determined that, “Our judgment of a person’s character can be influenced by something as simple as the warmth of the drink we hold in our hand.” With Hot Coffee, We See a Warm Heart
- Laugh together. Women want a man who is funny and men want a woman who will make them laugh or at least smile. In a study from the University of Kansas, associate professor Jeffrey Hall found that the likelihood of successful dates could be predicted through laughter, and “an even better indicator of romantic connection is if the two are spotted together laughing.”
- Learn to listen. When your partner talks to you, listen. Look into his or her eyes. Instead of getting ready for your own answer, hear what the other person is saying to you.
- Choose forgiveness. If a new or current love upsets you, instead of biting words or the silent treatment, change the way you express hurt or disappointment. Perhaps you might start with honesty, for example, “I think you are terrific and I am so happy to be with you, however, it hurts me when you say you are going to call and then don’t.”
- Embrace intimacy. Although intimacy reveals vulnerability this opens lines of communication that lead to a deeper understanding of and appreciation for one another.
- Express gratitude. When tempted to utter a critical word, find a way to express gratitude and look for a positive aspect of the person you are with and say so.
- Be discerning: In a world recovering from pandemic loneliness, it might be time to give love a try.