HEALTH / WELLNESS Creating — and re-creating — memories is good therapy by Rita Watson, Providence Journal, THRIVE, January 16, 2010
The bride and groom at 91 celebrated 69 years of marriage with veil, top hat, wedding cake, and music. One of the nursing home directors donned a Frank Sinatra fedora and sang into a glitter microphone for the couple’s first dance. The tables were decorated with paper wedding bells and the happy couple, our parents, sat under a canopy of balloons.
Some asked: “Why would you spend so much when your parents probably won’t remember this in the morning?” Because we knew that on Sept. 12, “the newlyweds” were in anniversary heaven and we were hoping to create a memory.
Our family is about memories — from cookouts to Italian family Christmas parties, from family recipe books and photo calendars that my sister Lois designs to scrap books of our father’s days as Frank Sinatra’s sound consultant.
Despite Alzheimer’s and dementia, we always encouraged reliving happy memories. There is good evidence that re-creating positive experiences through Reminiscence Therapy (RT) plays a role in warding off depression. Some of the early research on RT came from the Dementia Services Development Centre at the University of Wales in 2005; other studies followed.
RT involves discussing past events, often with accompanying photos and music, to encourage reliving positive memories. An accepted psychosocial intervention in dementia patients, there is evidence suggesting it can even elevate mood in those without dementia.
Given our family history, when our father suddenly declined last month, our family and friends gathered together in the nursing home parlor and 12 of us took turns sharing memories and holding his hand.
With a CD player next to his bed, interspersed with Christmas music, “Frank” and I sang his favorites to him — from “Fly Me to the Moon” to “New York, New York.” His personal physician and friend pointed out to us that research studies indicate that when a person is in a coma hearing is the last sense to go.
Despite our dad’s work in show business, he was ‘Poppy,’ a man who was always “young at heart.” When grandchildren and great-grandchildren would visit, there was never a shortage of paper airplanes, dollar bills that magically appeared under foot, or quarters that materialized from behind their ears.
He believed in gifts — from small to lavish. One Easter our baskets were filled with little chocolate eggs, but in the center of the table there stood a 3-foot tall chocolate bunny. His grandchildren are now parents and they are telling their children about the traditions of Poppy — the snow mountains that he helped them turn into forts, piles of leaves deep enough for jumping into, and trips to the farm for cutting down the family Christmas tree.
Given his penchant for play, my sister wanted his final song to be one that we would forever be humming: “Why are there so many songs about rainbows and what’s on the other side?”
However, it was not until the ball fell at midnight in Times Square and the voice of Sinatra began to croon, “Start spreading the news. I’m leaving today” that reality stunned me. Poppy had already left. And for all of us now — he is a memory to treasure.
Rita Watson (ritawatson.com) has a master’s of public health and is a regular contributor to The Providence Journal and a relationship columnist for the “All About You” section.