The cheating privileges given by Samantha, Sex in the City, to her young lover while she was undergoing chemotherapy underscores the devastating effects of treatment. Although I wrote about it for my monthly Op-ed column for the Providence Journal, “Of DNA and Desire” I had no idea that the John and Elizabeth Edwards story would surface. Today the issue of infidelity is all the more poignant in the face of reality.
Cheating: Despite the parade of infidelity scandals among politicians — the outrage and finger-pointing with the John Edwards story is searing. Why? Because in most of the other scandals, there was always a question: Did the wives know? Was there a silent arrangement?
Commitment: John and Elizabeth seemed to portray a perfect marriage. Their family survived the tragedy of their teenage son’s death with an admirable sense of faith and love. Even though he wasn’t our presidential pick, we appreciated the family man.
“W” Skeletons: Perhaps it is the loss of an image that really angers us most today. We have come to expect certain tawdriness in our politicians. And with George Bush we knew that one day a movie would portray the closet filled with skeletons. The new Oliver Stone film “W” promises to rattle those bones.
Cheating and truth: But John and Elizabeth were models. And we needed an icon. Are we really appalled at what he did to Elizabeth or what he did to us? What happens behind closed doors is a matter between husband and wife. But when one is a public figure running for president then it seems all bets are off. Today the media is questioning their inability to do the digging to get at the truth.
But what is the truth? And what is the message? I like what Rabbi Shmuley Boteach in The Jerusalem Post a few days ago: “Why Men Like John Edwards Cheat.” He pointed out that Elizabeth believed John should continue pursuing his presidential dream despite her metastatic breast cancer. It was an example for their children to know that despite difficult battles, life goes on.
Commitment to children: The Rabbi says, “But perhaps an even more important lesson to the convey to our children is that what will truly make them special in life is not becoming president but being committed and loving family members who always put each other first.
As we sit and wonder and judge – I am reminded of an often-quoted phrase from my grandmother, straight from the Bible, “Let he who is not guilty cast the first stone.”
(posted earlier on Talking Points Memo — To read comments go The Politics of Sex and Commitment
Copyright 2008 Rita Watson