Touching base with a spouse or someone whom you love may be the most effective means of protecting relationships.
Two comments from readers on the subject of cheating and infidelity have been keeping my mind alert. On the subject of infidelity, in agreeing with my grandmother, Roderick said yesterday, “Touching base-as it were-everyday, leaves less room for distances to occur that may ultimately lead to infidelity.” (See Cheating Husbands, Wives, Wasps and Orchids)
Togetherness: My grandmother futher felt that the key to successful relationships was the dining room table — there people have the opporutnity to share thoughts, interpret silences, understand the meaning of laughter, and generally get a sense from a person’s body language what he or she was thinking. You just know if someone you care about needs some extra tender loving care.
Veiled co-dependency: Some people really don’t know how to live with another person day in and day out — the intimacy of day to day is too threatening. Additionally, many couples today are in relationships of veiled co-dependency and manipulation. As such if one becomes stronger or more successful, stress takes over.
Why does anyone cheat? Rhonda Fine, PhD, a clinical sexologist and diplomate of The American Academy of Clinical Sexologists says, “There are a variety of reasons why people cheat, and it’s not always about the sex. People cheat because they’re selfish, immature or narcisstic. Or they’re excitement junkies and attracted to the drama. They put their needs ahead of others and rarely blame themselves why they cheated in the first place.” To find out more go to Cheating Facts and Myths on AOL
Caretaking, caretaking: I know of one man who still can’t settle down. Right now he is into his 60’s and says, “It seems as if I just moved from patient to patient — all of them younger. None of them ever bringing an equal share to the table. But it gave me a false sense of security. I had more to offer. Thought they would be grateful and stay. In the end, I became bored and actually began missing the fight, the challenge with women my own age. And they were flirting with younger men.”
Why do people cheat? As I looked back on years of research, and forgive me for a quick general statement — women cheat because they are lonely and men cheat for the thrill, the desire to feel rejuvenated. But most often it is because they are not comfortable in their own skin and need outside affirmation — and communication stops and intimacy turns cold.
Copyright 2008 Rita Watson