Attraction, from our Dictionary of Love and Danger, is a dynamic word. It implies movement, a drawing in. When you are attracted to someone they draw you into their presence, their being, their secrets. But when that happens, do you ever ask yourself why?
Are you attracted to positive qualities, their neediness, or is there something devilish you see that creates a feeling of danger? Attraction to positive qualities will enhance both of you. In fact, it is helpful to look at yourself in the mirror and ask, “What is about me that this person finds attractive? How can we help each other to grow together?”
Are you attracted enough to each other wake up each morning and say, “How can I give this person I care so much about a happier, stress free day?” Can you then follow-through?
The danger: The downside of attraction is manipulation, obsessiveness (which can become fatal) and jealousy.
Opposites attracting: Too many of us attract our opposing opposite, someone whose value system so differs from our own that the relationship becomes a fraud. Think in terms of givers and receivers. When givers are attracted to receivers, it is a classic clash of opposing opposites attracting. Receives are always ready to take all of the goodness you are able to give and they want all of you. But it is hard to tell and it takes a while before you discover the deception.
Obsessive attraction: As our MBA on Campus notes the classic case of obsessive attraction, “These are the women who can find their guys in hotels, on airplanes, at the Rent-a-Car place half-way across the world. Then if we confront and ask, ‘Are you checking up on me?’ we get that sad look or hurt voice that says, ‘I just wanted to bring you a surprise,’ Or, ‘I wanted to leave you a good night message at your hotel because you were so far away.’ This is the same woman who will text and call your cell phone 10 times a day.”
Why is it that givers are attracted to receivers? Because the world is full of nurturers — mothers and fathers at heart who are always ready to kiss the wound, make it better, and convince themselves they are not being duped.
But in thinking of a partner, think about someone who enhances the qualities that you would like to see become more vibrant and alive, someone who will make you want to wake up in the morning and say, “Hello World.”
*Copyright 2008 Rita Watson from The Dictionary of Love and Danger: For Men Only, an FEV Publication