A positive approach to crafting a new you/ Rita Watson
Relationships thrive on love, conflict, forgiveness and gratitude. But sometimes before we can become a couple we must become more accepting of ourselves. To find your happiest persona, all that is required is a ritual, a few candles, a magic wand and perhaps a costume or two. Fantasy costumes help us step out of character, especially during the Halloween season.
This is a good time for those who can’t say no to become decisive. For those angered by love lost, to forgive and embrace a loving or even sexy new look. And for those trapped in toxic relationships —because they cannot set limits or escape — to take on the personality of a goddess with the power to break free.
Even if you are in a happy relationship, ask yourself how you can spice up intimacy. Who is it that you wish to be? Buy a prop if you must. Then set aside a quiet few moments just for you. Act as if you are about to engage in a serious conference call — with cell phones off.
Step 1: Dress in an outfit that makes you feel empowered. Even after getting married, when I needed a boost, I would transform myself with my aunt’s white satin robe, fluffy with ostrich feathers, and matching high-heel slippers. Once I had slipped into it, I would sit on the terrace and channel her joy. Find something, even jewelry that uplifts you.
Step 2: Light a forgiveness candle and acknowledge whatever conflicts you might feel. Author of “The Science of Optimal Love,” Tal Ben-Shahar who taught Harvard’s class on positive psychology — says “conflict is part and parcel of a healthy relationship.” Remember to forgive yourself for feelings that anger you.
Step 3. Light a gratitude candle. Express gratitude for yourself and those you love or wish to love. Make a list and be specific.
Step 4: Let go. Whatever is holding you back or troubling you now gets the magic touch — a wave of the magic wand. No matter how silly it seems, you can actually visualize the negativity or hurt dissipate. You might also catch yourself laughing. So the next time you feel yourself walking down a fearful “What if” path, remind yourself of that moment and smile.
In “Feng Shui Your Life,” Jayme Barrett suggests that whenever you feel yourself going to a pessimistic place, repeat these words: “That’s a story that doesn’t need to happen.” Try coloring dark feelings with the energy of a rose-pink light that you might visualize from your heart to the hearts of others. Hold that image and it will feel as if you are seeing the world through rose-colored glasses.
Rita Watson is an All About You relationship columnist.
(Oct 6, 2013, All About You, p. H5)