Sometimes a kiss is more than a kiss. Sometimes it turns into friends with benefits, and in some cases, it signals the beginning of a dangerous liaison.
When we first saw the kissing lesson on Boston Legal last season, we had no idea it would turn into friends with benefits! While traditionally associated with two people who enjoy each other’s company but do not wish to make the commitment, in fact, some FWB relationships take a romantic turn.
And sometimes, a kiss becomes dangerous: If you are lying for love and telling yourself that the married man or woman with whom you are involved is really the love of your life — then it is may just be another excuse to avoid commitment. If you need the passion of an illicit affair (whether in marriage or the boundrary violation of teacher and student — Crossing the line, media report — then watch a movie.
Here we present the great beach scene From Here to Eternity embedded.
And despite the number of times I say that I like to remain “Neutral but opinionated” — when it comes to infidelity — infidelity is adultry, is cheating, is infidelity. Married But Cheating
Cheating in Marriage: According to M. Gary Newman, father or five and a Rabbi, in his new book The Truth about Cheating: Why Men Stray and What You Can Do to Prevent It, we learn that 92 percent say it was not about sex. Of the nearly one in THREE men who cheat, he tells us that “The majority said it was an emotional disconnection, specifically a sense of feeling underappreciated. A lack of thoughtful gestures.” The full transcript of his interview with Oprah can be found on an earlier posting Why Men Cheat
We also know from reseearch that men do not appreciate being criticized. “How many times have I told you?” can be a deal breaker. In “The Neuroscience of Leadership,” David Rock and Jeffrey Schwartz, point out positive ways to bring about change: “Leave problem behaviors in the past; focus on identifying and creating new behaviors. The full article is in: Strategy and Business
Healing After Infidelity: Although Mayo Clinic tells us that a relationship and marriage can be healed after infidelity, recovering from a betrayal of trust is not easy. It is much better to find a way to talk to each other before the damage is done. Infidelity
Practice forgiving. It is a lot simpler than you might think.
- Write down the one thing that is bothering you about your spouse or lover.
- Ask yourself what role you are playing in problem.
- Then write ten positive qualities of your partner. A friend who long practiced Religious Science says it takes ten positives to cancel out one negative.
- Begin to see yourself interacting with the positive person with whom you fell in love.
Take a chance and embrace change, a change in thinking from anger to forgiveness. It will do wonders for your heart and may save your marriage or relationship.
And if you still think you need that illicit affair, perhaps you can live vicariously on this beach!
Hot kisses: If you missed the stories about the Cougars, just go to the search bar — the Cougars are about to sizzle the TV screens with the fall line-up.
Copyright 2008 Rita Watson: A Kiss of Friendship, A Kiss of Danger, and Cheating