It would be ideal if the sexes could talk about expectations and perceptions. But it doesn’t happen that way. Today there are too many couples on overdrive moving into the passive-aggressive or snipe-at-each-other lane.
When a car shows signs of stress, or needs a tune-up, men handle it immediately. They just have a feeling that something is wrong. Sometimes they cannot immediately see the problem, but they sense it. They take it to a mechanic and they have it fixed.
In a relationship, who is responsible for the tune up? Perhaps women should take the lead. Although men today are more involved in parenting and family than our fathers were, women have that sixth sense. Research at Yale indicates that women have so keen an intuition that they sense a relationship problem at its inception.
But sometimes women begin insinuating that something is wrong. And men, sorry guys, are clueless. They need to be told in a non-judgmental way.
If men and women could develop their intuitive skills and interpret the silences, downcast eyes, uncomfortable moments and body language, perhaps more relationships could be saved.
Or should women be using their gift to cultivate non-judgmental spaces within the home? In an atmosphere with no hidden agendas, or insinuations — just simple clarity, both parties would benefit.
When home is a sanctuary, men might find saying, “Can we talk?” is as easy as test driving a car.
Copyright 2010 Rita Watson/ All Rights Reserved