As many of you know, I am a follower of the Michele Weiner-Davis school called Divorce-busting. So when this piece was just Twittered, I wanted to add to the chorus of why you should not necessarily leave a man who cheats. The Huffington Post article by Sarah Harrison was just tweeted by Relationship Couch LisaMerloBooth who says, “interesting article that makes u think.”
Before I refer to the article, let’s be clear on one thing — infidelity is the symptom of a larger problem. And this is an important reason to look both inward and at the marriage.
Three reasons to stay:
1) If you don’t solve the problem that was at the root of the infidelity it may manifest itself in other ways and even other relationships.
2) Forgiveness saves your health. Angry, bitter women determined to “get even” will find that hostility is a predictor of heart attacks — as I have documented in previous articles.
3) When children are involved, you may wish to put aside the hurt, and take some time to consider how divorce will affect them.
Marriage and infidelity expert, nationally acclaimed award recipient
Before making a hasty decision about a husband who is unfaithful talk with an expert in marriage and infidelity such as Michele Weiner-Davis or one of the qualified counselors at divorcebusting.com
For my newspaper column, I talked with Michele Weiner-Davis, who won the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy’s Outstanding Contribution to the Field of Marriage and Therapy Award and Smart Marriages’ Impact Award.
She says, “It is important to know that no matter how bleak things might seem, it is possible to revitalize a marriage wounded by infidelity. But it takes teamwork and commitment from spouses willing to work hard at getting their marriages back on track. Re-establishing trust and finding ways to manage overwhelming painful emotions are key to the healing process.” Rita Watson: Infidelity, meet sex addiction March 7, 2010 (Providence Journal)
Huffington Post by Sarah Harrison
In her article at the Huff Post today, Sarah says, “Cheating means the partner who steps out isn’t getting something they need from the relationship. If it’s impossible to fix that problem, you may need to end the relationship.
“But that isn’t realistic for some couples, especially when children are involved.
“Plus, if you do get to the root of the affair, your partnership can emerge stronger than ever. For that to happen, both members of the couple have to be willing to do the healing work–and that might mean that the person who was cheated on has to acknowledge their part in the affair.
The part the injured partner played may be small, but a relationship is made of two people. If something goes wrong, it’s happened to both people.
“Don’t get me wrong; I’m not blaming the victim. If both parties promised fidelity and one broke the promise, that person has done something wrong. But it’s not helpful to assign all the blame to one partner, and then say the blameless partner should get rid of the cheater. The only way to figure out how to move forward is to work together–and that often mans staying together. Yes, it will be difficult to learn to trust again, and it may take several years, but it can be done.” Sarah Harrison: Why You Shouldn’t Necessarily Leave a Cheating Husband
Regarding men who cheat:
What do accurate cheating statistics mean for wives? The numbers are low. Look for love signs and not cheating clues. Be cautious about the advice you follow.If you are in a position where infidelity is at issue– find trusted experts who have credentials and licenses with the expertise to guide you into the decision that is best for you and your family.
To leave a comment or read more, please go to:
Infidelity: 3 reasons to forgive and save your marriage
Copyright 2010 Rita Watson/ All Rights Reserved