Please see The best loves are the ones built on friendship on Page H5 of Sunday, May 05, 2013 issue of The Providence Journal
The best loves are the ones built on friendship
When Neil Diamond led the singing of “Sweet Caroline” at Fenway Park after the Boston Marathon tragedy, the words “hands touching hands” took on a new meaning. Researchers tell us that music and touch are healing. And time with friends helps stabilize relationships.
Friendships are protective. Friends help us to stay balanced and will help us laugh at ourselves. And friends who understand the forgiveness factor are treasures. Wilma Askinas, author of “A Splice of Life” once said, “A friend is someone who sees through you and still enjoys the view.”
The most delicious love is built upon friendship, intimacy and trust. If a time comes when passion wanes, friendship and trust become the core of togetherness. Joanne Woodward, wife of the late Paul Newman, reminded us: “Sexiness wears thin after a while and beauty fades, but to be married to a man who makes you laugh every day, ah, now that’s a real treat.”
Today, oftentimes lust mistaken for love trumps lasting bonds. This means trouble especially for those in relationships in which they gradually become isolated from friends and family.
How does one build a friendship in a new relationship and maintain friendship with one’s spouse? The answers to both are surprisingly similar.
Spend time with each other — chatting, exercising, and sharing movies, sports events, good books and friends.
Be yourself instead of hiding behind a mask because you are afraid to bring up touchy subjects or show the real you.
Give the gift of listening when you have differing thoughts; try to understand the other person’s point of view.
Learn to discern each other’s emotional needs and try to fulfill them.
Practice forming words of forgiveness instead of blame when you are angry.
Design a vision for your life together and in doing so create memories along the way.
In all relationships trust your intuition. If you think something is amiss, you are probably right. Test the feelings and proceed with caution. It is sad for women in relationships who eventually learn of their partners’ dark side. Did they bypass the “getting to know you” phase or were they in denial?
When I tried to navigate my way through Copley Square to change trains after the sad Boston Marathon event, I passed young couples and older ones hugging each other at the finish line barricade. A spontaneous memorial of flowers and gifts overflowed.
In a true relationship two people are there to support each other “in good times and bad.” Life is fragile. So it is good to store up reserves of joy. Couples who spend time developing friendship and trust are likely to find the intimate love of “happily ever after.”
Rita Watson, ritawatson.com , is an incurable romantic and All About You relationship columnist.
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