While other passengers stared at her, I averted my eyes to give her the privacy to scream silently. Finally as we approached the end of our route, I said to her: “The sign is dramatic and beautifully done.”
“I’m glad you like it,” she replied explaining that it was a prop for her performance art group; the evening would culminate with her announcing that her relationship ending “really hurt.”
I wished her well and another young woman said, “I’m glad you talked to her. Breaking up is on everyone’s mind. I think it’s contagious.”
Is breaking up going around? Or is it that we jump into relationships too quickly and, as we come to know the other person a little better, flaws become less tolerable? It’s then that we begin to think of an exit strategy.
Men and women have different break-up styles — men tend to slip away, whereas women try to analyze the problem. But emotions are not always rational. And there is no easy way to say, “It’s over.” Yet, sometimes one needs an “over” to jump start a new beginning.
When you feel that the time has come to say “Good-bye,” always do so with dignity, clarity, and firmness.
Dignity: Never mind the rant: “Look what you’ve done. How can you expect me to stay with you?” Just start by addressing virtues and expressing gratitude for the time you shared.
Clarity: Point out that there is a problem that the two of you have been unable to resolve and it is best to move on.
Firmness: State clearly, “I’ve made my decision and as painful as this is, I believe it is best for both of us.” However, do keep the option open for a continued platonic friendship if you share the same values.
If it seems that more people today are breaking up rather than making up, the problem may be one of expectations. Mr. or Mrs. Right should also be “The One,” perfect in every way.
Dr. Leo Buscaglia, the man who wrote the book called “Love,” has essentially reminded us: “If you are waiting for ‘the One’ you will wait forever. We become the one.”
Sometimes it takes a breakup p before two people come to see that little flaws are just part of human nature. As such, those who part with integrity open up the possibility for love — a second time around.
Rita Watson, an incurable romantic, is one of our relationship columnists and a regular Journal contributor. Her Web address is ritawatson.com.