For all couples, it takes work to have ‘happily ever after’ – The Providence Journal
Rita Watson
As we were regaled by stories and photos of charming Prince Harry and the royals throughout the Olympics, we were reminded of the fairy tale wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton. Fairy tales promised “happily ever after.” Little girls were raised to believe that someday their prince would come. Cinderella found her dream when Prince Charming slipped her foot into the glass slipper. Then there was Snow White, who was awakened by the kiss of her prince.
In reality, lasting love is about ups and downs and staying together during the roller coaster ride. But it doesn’t always happen that way. Just look at “The Twilight Saga” love couple Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson. She admitted to a recent hot-kisses indiscretion. Ironically the alleged “no sex” affair took place during the filming of “Snow White and the Huntsman” with the film’s director. Once she came forward, Pattinson moved out of the home the two had shared.
For happily ever after there must be some element of unconditional love — that is, love from the bottom of one’s heart, despite behavior or actions. And if a mistake is made, forgiveness is in everyone’s best interest, for both emotional and physical health. If one thinks about a relationship or marriage as the entwining of a couple’s positive qualities as well as negative traits, then working together to tame the negative and enhance the positive is the start of lifelong love.
One way to achieve this is through clarity. Instead of “if you loved me” thinking, it is about finding ways to remember and express gratitude for the joys experienced. How can you do this? Plan a date night in which you each talk about the positive experiences you have shared.
- Send each other surprise love notes or humorous cards.
- Think daily about ways to express gratitude to each other.
- Before deciding that your prince doesn’t understand the concept of happily every after, consider this. When we feel happy, safe, protected and loved, we are grateful. But those we love oftentimes disappoint us, and we disappoint them. Life is not always rosy, but we can still put those rose-colored glasses right back on and look for sunshine instead of clouds.
A new study in Psychological Science is even advocating that we put on a happy face during stressful times. The concept of smiling is similar to gratitude. Expressing gratitude whether we feel it or not will eventually generate grateful feelings. A smile, whether we feel like it or not, will lift our spirits and reduce stress.
And here is the bonus: Smile at your love and the two of you will benefit because smiling and happiness are contagious.
Please see For all couples, it takes work to have ‘happily ever after’ on Page H5 of Sunday, August 12, 2012 issue of The Providence Journal
Rita Watson, an incurable romantic, is a relationship columnist and regular Journal contributor. Her web address is ritawatson.com.