When I wrote about Cougar love and longevity, “Marrying Their Mrs. Robinson” it was to celebrate women marrying younger men.
The article as I wrote it is here and it appeared on World News Oline today. At the end you will find links to the story about Madonna and Guy Ritchie who have officially announced they are seeking a divorce.
Marrying their Mrs. Robinson
Rita Watson/ Providence Journal
TINSELTOWN is dazzling with cougar relationships these days. Consider the trailblazers: Susan Sarandon, Demi Moore, Goldie Hawn, and Mary Tyler Moore and then came Geena Davis, Madonna, Halle Berry, Ivana Trump and Kim Cattrall. Defined as women in their 40s to 60s in relationships with younger men, cougars are a hot trend. New television shows tell a tale: Cougar Camp, Cougars NYC, and a project called Untitled Cougar similar to The Bachelor.
Even the medical literature is reporting on cougar love. Considering current statistics that show women outliving men by an average of nearly six years, these relationships might even out the nursing home population, now dominated by females. What is happening?
Men dating cougars say: “They make time for us. They are no longer clawing up the corporate ladder or taking care of children. Also post-menopausal women are passionate and sexy.” In terms of “making time for us,” M. Gary Newman, rabbi and father of five, is author of The Truth About Cheating: Why Men Stray and What You Can Do To Prevent It. He points out a shocking statistic – one in three men cheat because they do not feel appreciated.
On the flip side, cougars say: “Younger men appreciate us more than men our own age, who are either in a mid-life crisis or panicking about closing in on 60. They want younger women to validate their virility – even if they need a little blue pill.”
It does not take expert opinion to tell us that feminism strained marriages, however, psychologists point out that the “me first or career first” attitude still resonates with younger women. In the United Kingdom cougar marriages are reported to have soared in 25 years. British web sites devoted exclusively to cougars range from racy to the elegant-looking www.toyboyclub.com strictly for members.
Recently the Times of London Online said: “The dating and mating game is undergoing a genderquake. More and more professional young men are marrying their Mrs. Robinson. But are they looking for a wife or a mother?”
Susan Shapiro Barash, a gender expert and author who teaches at Marymount Manhattan College, in New York says, “The relationship is a meeting of the minds – soul mates. This is a very bold step for these couples because they are defining themselves differently than the traditional family.”
In the United States not all cougar news is positive. Sociology Quarterly reports on new research from the University of South Florida that says the trend is challenging traditional family and sex roles. And the Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy reports that despite the increase in May/December marriages, older women are “looked down upon.”
But Barash points out: “It is empowering for women who marry younger men. This defies the norm in a prescribed role. With older and richer men marrying younger women there was always tacit approval of the trophy wife; whereas women do not view the younger men in their lives as arm candy.”
In terms of longevity, married couples outlive singles. A new study released by Australia’s Ministry of Aging says that life expectancy among married couples is double that of singles after age 70. (Next to Andorra, in the eastern Pyrenees Mountains, Australia is second in life expectancy while the U.S. ranks about 40th.)
Could it be that cougar marriages are the answer to a long life without the loneliness and depression that elderly singles often face? Joseph Sirven, M.D., a geriatric specialist and associate professor of neurology at Mayo Clinic in Scottsdale, Ariz., is not convinced.
Dr. Sirven said, “From a health standpoint, there is a certain logic that a younger man and older woman could both gain benefits from such a relationship based on longevity statistics. However, that is predicated upon a relationship being a happy one.”
The key point that Dr. Sirven makes centers on love. “Fundamentally, a strong relationship built on love and respect will provide happiness to both participants regardless of their age. If a couple is incompatible, age does not matter and negative health consequences will outweigh any gains from trying to pair a younger man with an older woman.”
While a Yale public-health graduate student, I presented a paper on the benefits of marriage between older women and younger men. The men blanched. The women applauded. The professor sent me back to the books to do some serious research. He was not amused.
Rita Watson is a monthly contributor and daily blogger ( www.ritawatson.com) syndicated by Newstex (Reprinted in its entirely from article published on 01:00 AM EDT on Sunday, October 5, 2008/Providence Journal)
The article appeared today in World News Online. Mrs. Robinson
Madonna turns into cold cougar and Madonna and A-Rod
Copyright 2008 Rita Watson