This is financial planning week. Each day this week I will point you to a website that will help you with some serious decisions, ranging from money to sex and stress.
But first I am reprinting a column I wrote recently that captures the essense of many of the problems couples face when it comes to money. And then I am going to tell you about a few organizations that I will be highlighting this week as we discuss relationships and money.
Money, Marriage, Sex, and Secrets
MONEY DOESN’T CARE who owns it,” was a favorite saying of our Aunti Mame. She lived lavishly even during what she called “modest times.” Once we left the nest, we realized that Aunti was right. Money does not assure good taste or good manners. It does, however, provide comfort and sometimes freedom from stress. Nonetheless even in cushy two-income households money and sex (or lack thereof) are the top reasons for divorce. It seems that more sex buys more happiness than money can buy.
Love and Money Survey: However, the 2008 “Love and Money” survey of 1,049 people found that over 73 percent of women viewed financial know-how as a more important factor in choosing a potential partner than attractiveness. Money Management International (MMI), the largest nonprofit credit counseling agency in the United States, conducted the survey.
“The problem is that most couples don’t talk about money,” says Brooks P. Bartlett Sr., managing director of Lighthouse Financial Group, a division of Metlife. “We spoke with one couple during a rather sad divorce and the woman said to us, ‘Look around. Do you see all of this beauty? We can’t afford any of it. We are broke. I just learned about this and my husband is in denial!’ Bartlett added, “Couples need to have a plan for their money.”
Suze says: Suze Orman, author of The 9 Steps to Financial Freedom, is trying to help women and men cope with mounting debt and develop a relationship with and respect for their money. Then there is the Women’s Institute for Financial Education (WIFE.org), which offers sound advice as well as a tongue-in-cheek guide to translating what “he says” and “she says.”
One young husband said, “Whenever we have an argument over money, my wife goes on a spending spree. Then even when I get over my anger and I try to talk with her rationally, I go from hearing ‘no make-up sex for you’ to the silent treatment.”
Money, sex, and sleep: What happens in this type of situation? Each will go to bed angry. Husband and wife won’t sleep. And the next day neither will have a clear enough head to talk about the issue. Carl W. Brazil, M.D., Ph.D, a neurologist at the College of Physicians and Surgeons at Columbia University, says that even losing an hour or two of sleep a night can compromise how a person processes information or uses information to make judgments.
When two people marry, and they have their own money-management or-mismanagement styles, they might guard money or debt as if they were holding onto a secret significant other. Experts agree that making a list of what comes in and what goes out, and having a dialogue instead of tossing accusations at each other about spending habits are important for a sound financial foundation.
Becoming Financially Savy: Financial literacy is becoming a new slogan in our economy. The Business Council and the Conference Board Survey of Chief Executives released in February found that more than 85 percent of members see conditions in the U.S. economy as having deteriorated during the past six months, “and 77 percent expect that conditions will worsen in the next six months.”
The Federal Reserve reported consumer debt topping $2.5 trillion in December, exclusive of mortgages. It is not surprising that the Associated Press said last week that people are saving less and borrowing more from their retirement accounts. Families are understandably worried.
Bruce R. Hrovat, executive vice president and chief operating officer for Citizens Financial Group, has this advice: “Save consistently. Be consistent. Just save what you can and keep on saving. It’s the time value of money. Eventually it will add up.” (Providence Journal (600 word adaptation)
Financial Planning Week Here is a look at the wide range of events taking place this week. Watch this site for information from the Women’s Institute for Financial Education (WIFE), Money Management International (MMI), and Suze Orman as well as updates on how finances affect relationships.
Copyright 2008 Rita Watson