When your heart is broken, you need human contact, ProJo

Posted on August 3, 2015
Filed Under Providence Journal - Relationships | Comments Off on When your heart is broken, you need human contact, ProJo

Rita Watson
Special to the Journal/ Posted Jul. 26, 2015 @ 12:01 am

In today’s texting society, loving and leaving have become depersonalized. We send little yellow heads that throw kisses instead of looking someone in the eyes and saying, “I love you.” When the infatuation ends, the dreaded break-up text arrives. Whether walking on the air of infatuation or feeling the joy of love at first sight, you are probably experiencing an emotional love high. But here is the irony. Researchers tell us that through brain imaging studies, they have determined that love can mimic a cocaine-like high. And in terms of feelings, rejection is similar to cocaine withdrawal.

Strangely enough when he loves you and leaves you, you both may be hurting in ways that are not expressed. Oftentimes this comes from the tension of unspoken expectations. Or it may be that he is resistant to the relationship talk to clear the air. We are losing touch. When the text messages drift away and then stop, the emoticon with tears does not really convey the heart’s sadness. If you are involved in a heavily texting relationship, consider that one of these days love can come crashing down. Here are seven survival tips:

1. Cry. Researchers have found that crying is therapeutic. Long term studies have been validated and were reported in the Journal of Research in Personality in 2011.

2. Resist the urge to send endless texts. They will go unanswered and you may feel angry with yourself for not recognizing that he had a passive-aggressive side.

3. Erase all text messages to and from him. Going back over them and seeing his cute notes and little yellow heads throwing kisses will make you feel worse.

4. Scream privately to the walls in the safety of your own room.

5. Hold off on calling friends to complain about him. If they agree with you, you may be furious that they did not warn you. Or should the two of you reconcile, you will have created distance between yourself and your friends.

6. Be grateful. Find a beautiful journal or some writing paper and write out all of the moments the two of you enjoyed together.

7. Wish him blessings. Let him go. Spend time with friends who care about you while looking for a rebound love.

Once it was thought that rebound love was a mistake. Now new research shows that it can actually help heal a broken heart. If you decide on a rebound love, spend less time texting and more time touching and talking. Even though texts can become more alluring than phone calls, the emoticon is no substitute for experiencing emotion. Talk to one another. Laugh. Cry. Argue. Just do so in person instead of hiding behind a cell phone screen.

— Rita Watson, M.P.H., a Providence Journal relationship columnist, writes “With Love and Gratitude” for PsychologyToday.com.

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