With the new wave of political sex scandals, I was looking for research on deception in marriage. Instead I found a recent study of college students who seemed to be lying for love.
That article regarding deception before sharing intimacies appeared in the February issue of the Journal of Sexual Medicine. The researchers noted: “Prevalence of lying and deception within our society is found in countless forms, including literature, movies, self-help books, advice columns, and websites.”
As such they were developing a behavior-based sexual discussion scale. Their expectation was to focus on deceptions that individuals use in order to engage in sex. They hypothesized that deception might be contributing to the spread of sexually transmitted diseases STDs).
How did the students fare with respect to the types of lies?
It was reported in one sample that 85% admitting to lying to a relationship partner.
What did they lie about?
The most prevalent lie (58%) was with regard to caring for, their love for, their partner. Being unfaithful to one’s partner, kissing another person were also among the frequently mentioned. (But I would like add here, that sometimes one needs discretion before engaging in a “tell all.”)
What were the top love and sex lies?
- The number of previous partners (31.1%),
- Having an orgasm (26.2%),
- Telling a partner that he or she was “the best” (17.5%),
- Saying, “I love you” (16.7%),
With regard to STDs the deception was surprising. Nondisclosure rates ranged from 12% to 33% to primary partners with regard to STDs and among those with genital herpes 38% did not disclose to their regular sexual partners (with a higher percentage of nondisclosure for casual partners). And as for those with human papillomavirus (HPV), the deception rate was a whopping 69% that is, those who failed to disclose their serostatus to new partners prior to sexual intercourse. (There is a movement on right now suggesting that teen age boys as well as girls should be considering the new vaccine.)
Who were the participants? These were 267 sexually active students from two major universities in Southern California. Participants received credit toward a psychology class requirement in exchange for their involvement in the study.
Role models are absent: To suggest that the lies are a blatant betrayal of trust is to state the obvious. And yet, while the values of the students might be disturbing, we must wonder, “Where are the role models?” Indeed over the past few months the images of politicians who had been cheating on their wives has been seen all over the media. There they are, the politicians beating their chests in a endless stream of mea cupa’s.
The wives are stoic. Our hearts break for the children. However, there is also new research that points to celibate marraiges where two people stay together for the sake of children.
Adults — deception or discretion? This is another story. Some material suggests that adults color the truth even more so than college students with regard to past lovers. Time, memory, and fear of admission have a way of “clearing the slate” of partners who were not significant others. They may be exercising discretion. Our past may shape who we are but in going forward many people reinvent themselves — and perhaps in so doing, they are shedding negative behavior.
Nonethless as we look at a current study among college students, it seems that our value system has gone awry. This is the sexual deception discussion model http://www.accessmylibrary.com/coms2/summary_0286-34129767_ITM
Copyright 2008 Rita Watson